Who would want to be you? Who you kidding. Everyone wants to be you. Okay they sort of want to be you. For your money. They don’t want to look like you, exactly, but they want to steal your identity and run off with it Melissa McCarthy-style, siphon all your dough and throw it at video games you’d never even fucken play. Then what they want to do is they want to invest your hard-earned cash in the Bahamas, where they’ll vacation with all the sister wives who could have been yours. And you’ve never even BEEN to the Bahamas. Fuck’s sake.
She doesn’t even look like you.
There are two sides to the force, my young paduan. There are the good hackers, the ones who right the world’s wrongs, give us free flicks and tunes, and rollerblade.
Then there are evil hackers, the ones who want to sneak around your computer and make fun of the pornos you watch and take all your hard-earned air miles and shit.
They probably don’t even know how to rollerblade. Because they’re like Newman in Jurassic Park, all eating chocolate bars and smirking at mini dinos JUST SECONDS before they get their comeuppance spat into their eyes.
You ever get hacked? Read on.