Ultimate Dorm Room Buyer’s Guide

Dorm EssentialsIt has definitely been awhile since we’ve been in school, but against all odds we still have at least a hazy memory of what it was like. One thing we remember is that living in a dorm room could be kind of awful. If you find yourself shipped off to a school that requires you to shack up with some lunatic you’ve never met, keep these items around to make things a little more bearable.

Coke Can Safe

coke can safeLook, it’s a given when you’re living among a bunch of strangers, somebody is going to start stealing stuff. It’s just  human nature. When we find ourselves in a large group, biology dictates that somebody has to have the 10 dollars they left on the table stolen.

Don’t be a victim. Instead, be that paranoid weirdo who stockpiles all of your treasure in safes concealed to look like beverages and cleaning products. After that, sit comfortable knowing you are protected and that your valuables are secure provided nobody decides to just steal the safe itself, which seems like it would be really easy to do.

$9.98 at Prankplace.com


aspinal tiesAt some point during your college experience, you’re going to have to take off the Phish T-shirt and put on something a little less slovenly. For that reason alone, having a good assortment of neckties around is important. But they also serve another purpose.

The last thing you want is for that no good thief you call a roommate to stumble in drunk while you’re making it with the chick from your 8 a.m. class. So use the neckties to develop some sort of warning system among yourselves.

A red tie on the door means you’re in the company of a lady and ought to be left alone or joined by a bevy of other ladies in a perfect world. A blue tie on the door means your roommate is doing whatever weirdo stuff he does when he’s alone.

$89 at AspinalofLondon

Playboy Fragrance by Coty

Playboy cologneHey, since you’re rocking a tie now anyway, you might as well try to make yourself really stand out by not smelling like a sweatshop for once in your life. We recommend the new Hollywood Playboy Fragrance by Coty for Men, obviously. What’s it smell like? Success, that’s what.

$15 at PlayboyStore.com

Princess International MR-148 Mini Refrigerator

dorm fridgeA mini refrigerator is about as close to mandatory as an item can be for a dorm room. You likely don’t need us to convince you of that, but what should you look for when buying one? Well, this Princess International mini is compact enough to fit on your desk, but spacious enough to hold up to 30 cans of whatever tasty beverage trips your trigger. Or, if the picture is to be believed, it’s also large enough to hold six of those long glass bottles of Coke, provided you live in some kind of third-world country that still sells those. As an added bonus, you can also use it to keep leftovers warm by setting the temperature as high as 140 degrees Fahrenheit. Way to be frugal, bro!

$124.99 at SmartHome.com

Samsung 46″ 3D LED TV

samsung led tvDuring an ideal college experience, you’d spend as little time as possible in your dorm room. But that doesn’t mean the time you do spend indoors should be anything short of awesome. And very few things make cramped living quarters more tolerable than a top-notch television. Samsung consistently cranks out some of the finest flat-screens on the planet, and this 46” 3D HDTV is no exception. Sure, it’s a little, um, spacious for a dorm room, but just toss your books in the closet or something to make room. You’ll be glad you did once you’re taking in your favorite flicks in full 1080p glory. And did we mention 3-D? All of this and its price tag is unbelievably reasonable.

$1,399 at Bestbuy.com

Beats by Dre Noise Canceling Headphones

beats by dreNow that you have a world-class entertainment machine in your dorm room, one of two things will happen. Either watching movies late into the night is going to keep your roommate awake, or your roommate’s incessant telephone time with his girlfriend back home is going to ruin your movie watching. Circumvent both problems by investing in a good set of noise-canceling headphones. That way, you can watch your flat-screen without bothering and without being bothered. We recommend the new noise-canceling headphones from Beats by Dre. The good doctor hasn’t steered us wrong when it comes to anything music- or audio-related yet (with the possible exception of that Aftermath album from back in the day). Until he does, we trust whatever he’s got to sell us.

$249.99 at HP.com

Sony VAIO F-Series Laptop

sony vaio laptopA laptop is a no-brainer purchase when it comes to heading off to college. You’d have to be insane to leave without one. But that doesn’t mean you should just run out and pick up the nearest $200 e-machine and call it a day. Sure, you want something capable of writing papers and surfing the Internet and such, but if you’re spending the money, shouldn’t you at least see to it that the machine is capable of keeping you entertained? The Sony VAIO F-series fits that bill in a major way. The F-series uses Hyper Threading technology which allows the four processor cores to each work on two tasks at the same time. Now imagine if all of that processor speed was concentrated on just one task, like, gaming for example? Not that we would recommend blowing off your studies to shoot up zombies and such but, if you must, this is the machine for the job.

Starting at $999.99 at Sony.com