Stuff You Should Know: Las Vegas

Even if you’ve never spent a drunken, rowdy weekend in Vegas marrying strippers, kidnapping Mike Tyson’s tigers, getting mixed up with an Asian gang and pulling out your own teeth, you know that Las Vegas is one place where it’s perfectly reasonable for those kinds of things to happen. Why we don’t all live there right now, I’ll never know.

And here are some other things you should know about Las Vegas.

1. Las Vegas = The Meadows

And it was named ‘The Meadows’ by a Spanish explorer named Antonio Armijo traveling from Santa Fe to Los Angeles in 1829. Apparently Las Vegas really is an oasis in the desert, and its water used to come from an artesian spring. The source of fresh water made Las Vegas the perfect stop during the Gold Rush.

2. And Also the Perfect Spot for Mormons

In 1855 Mormon head guy Brigham Young sent 30 missionaries to Las Vegas to establish a Mormon fort and convert the Paiute Indians to Mormonism. The settlement was abandoned a few years later, but you can still see remains of it there today:

…if you’re going to Las Vegas for the most boring reasons ever.

3. The First Luxury Hotel in Vegas was a Disaster

At first. That Phil Hartman looking mug up there belonged to Bugsy Siegel, and he’s the reason Las Vegas exists in its decadent form today. Before the mobsters got involved, the city was just a rinky dink cowboy town and folks who wanted to party hearty had to travel all the way down to Cuba to do it. That all changed when Nevada legalized gambling in 1931. Ch-ching! Bugsy and his mafia backers opened up The Flamingo in 1946.

Unfortunately, Bugsy didn’t know what the hell he was doing and the joint closed within two weeks. It reopened a few months later and took off from there. By the 1960s all the major casinos were mob backed, until Howard Hughes joined the party and bought out The Sands.

And speaking of The Sands….

4. The Rat Pack Rat Packed it Up at The Sands

Although Dean Martin, Frank Sinatra, Sammy Davis Jr., Peter Lawford and Joey Bishop had been buddies for years, it wasn’t until the group was filming the original Ocean’s Eleven in 1960 at The Sands that they came upon the brilliant idea of getting paid to get fall down drunk and horse around with each other on stage. The rest of us have been trying to replicate that scheme for years…no one has quite pulled it off yet.

Check out majorly cute Johnny Carson joining in on the fun in the video below:

Rat Pack Live (Sinatra,Dean,Sammy, Johnny) – Birth of the Bl
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5. There’s a Reason Why Vegas is the Wedding Capital of the World

It’s because they practically give marriage licenses away. Seriously…all you need to get married in Vegas is a government issued identification card, $60 and poor decision making skills. That’s it. A license will be issued in minutes – no wait, no blood tests, no witnesses, no official filing of forms with official marriage whoevers. You don’t even have to prove that you’re sober. You just traipse on down to one of the dozens of chapels on the Strip and count yourself among the 120,000 marriage ceremonies conducted in the city each year, just like Billy Bob and Angelina!

Just don’t forget your post nuptial press conference!

6. Sadly, It’s Also the Suicide Capital of the United States

Yikes. People who are depressed seem to go out of their way to travel to Las Vegas to kill themselves. apparently so their loved ones won’t be the ones to find their bodies (or at least so they’ll have a great time while finding the body). But it’s not just travelers who are at risk of doing themselves in; Las Vegas residents are 50% more like likely to kill themselves than people living in other cities.

And to further bum you out, it turns out…

7. Ho’ing is Illegal in Las Vegas

Despite what the Vegas Travel and Tourism Board may conveniently forget to tell you until you’re in handcuffs, prostitution is not kosher in Sin City proper. It is legal in the state of Nevada, but technically only through the state’s 28 regulated brothels. Like this one:

Which may or may not just be a collection of trailers, sheds and utility poles. Have fun!

8. If You’re Going to Vegas, Prepare to See Some Hawaiians

Gaggles of them. Because apparently, Hawaiians LOVE Las Vegas. High unemployment and high cost of living has driven thousands of Hawaiians away from their home, and Las Vegas has become the unofficial ninth Hawaiian island. In fact, more Hawaiians live in Las Vegas than the population of the islands of Lanai and Molokai combined. Hint: Always greet Hawaiians with the word ‘Ohana’ which shows that you are familiar with Disney’s hit movie Lilo and Stitch, and therefore Hawaiian culture.

9. Las Vegas Isn’t the World’s #1 Gambling Destination

That distinction belongs to Macau in China. In fact, in 2008, Macau claimed more gambling dollars than Las Vegas and Atlantic City combined. The city boasts 33 casinos, including a Venetian, an MGM and a Wynn. And unlike Vegas, prostitution is totally legal in Macau.

10. The Average Vegas Gambler Spends about $482 per Visit

…on gambling, which is down from 2005, when the average gambler was throwing away $627 per visit. On whole, the Vegas experience is relatively cheap; visitors average $75 on nightly rooms, $250 on food and $45 on shows and sightseeing. No word on how much Shady Ladies cost, but it’s likely proportional to the distance they have left to travel before hitting rock bottom.

11. If You Don’t Have Fun in Vegas, You Lose at Life

Because apparently, no other city in the universe has marketed itself for fun like Las Vegas. Gambling and prostitute visiting aside, you can go to Sin City and skydive, ride a gondola, experience zero gravity, watch a volcano erupt, bungee jump, ride multiple roller coasters, dive with sharks, drive a racecar, see Penn and Teller and marry a stranger all in one day. It’s like the whole city is a monument to bucket lists. If you’re in Vegas and you’re not having a good time, you need to get out STAT, because you’re probably in danger of doing #6 up there. Save yourself! It’s not worth it!