If it weren’t for rock groupies, we wouldn’t know half the stuff we do today about the size and stamina of rock stars we’ll never meet. Say what you will about the importance of reporting to us that Jimi Hendrix had a huge penis and Mick Jagger’s is tiny, but these are some women who are going out and getting what they want. You can’t be mad at that.
When you think of groupies, it’s often with that image of a fur-clad, bell-bottomed Kate Hudson in Almost Famous. But groupies didn’t die out with Penny Lane. Thanks to certain corners of the Internet, groupie culture has actually been able to flourish in the last 10 years or so. Modern day groupies meet online to share information like “WARNING: ART ALEXAKIS FROM EVERCLEAR IS A SELFISH LOVER!” or “STEVEN TYLER HAS A WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS.” Aside from the fact that women actually wanted to bang the dude from Everclear, neither of those thing surprise us.
There is strangely very little competition. The tidbits are often in the name of “helping each other” but it seems these women just need to share their exploits with somebody — your friends can only hear so many times that so-and-so-rockstar’s type is “stripper”. The online groupies are a pretty peaceful bunch who seem to respect each other, which is more than you can say of most forums.
Old School Groupies
The hippie-dippy culture of Haight Ashbury in the 1960’s is what gave birth to the “famous” rock groupie, as we know them today. The girls, sick of the hippie scene, came over to L.A. in the late 1960’s to hang out on Sunset Boulevard with The Stones, Led Zeppelin, Jimi Hendrix and the rest. And the most famous of the groupies even formed their own “music group”, despite the fact that none of them could play instruments. GTO member Cynthia Plaster Caster famously also made molds of the rock star’s penises — the first one she cast, Jimi Hendrix, was also the largest, and you can apparently buy a replica of Jimi’s famous wang for $2,000. Having this one on display won’t scare potential dates away, once you explain it…Right?
Groupies started to really reach fame in the 70’s. There was an entire magazine, Star, devoted to Groupie culture. The “stars” of the magazine were known as “baby groupies” because they were majorly under-age (13-17). Wait, what?
Lori Madoxx and Sable Starr were Star Magazine favorites. Starr lost her virginity to Iggy Pop, who would later write a song about the incident. Lori got her start by losing her virginity to David Bowie — also at 13. Jimmy Page of Led Zeppelin saw Lori in the pages of Star and swore he was gonna meet her. In true slash/romance novel lore, he had his tour manager “kidnap her” and take her back to the hotel. Lori recounted laying in his bed while he was on the phone with his girlfriend back home — which was apparently okay. But it was not okay when Page started sleeping with Bebe Buel (a fellow groupie and Liv Tyler’s future mother). Lori tore into the hotel room swinging and apparently Page seemed “amused”. Okay wait, we’re still stuck on this. Somehow at one time it was socially okay for adult rock stars to date 13 year olds?!
Later, famous groupies were no longer just famous for being groupies, but used their groupie fame to launch other careers–Pamela Anderson, Carmen Electra, Tawny Kitaen and lots more all got their start dating high profile musicians.
What We Can Learn From Modern Day Groupies
Thanks to the modern day groupie forums, there’s a lot you can learn about the rock stars you grew up listening to. According to a user on a groupie forum, Maynard James Keenan of Tool was super nice when she refused to have sex with him. “He was very respectful and we ended up just hanging out on his tour bus drinking wine with his friends and three other fans. Afterwards, we exchanged emails. For two years we wrote back and forth about his travels and whatever was happening in my life. I even hung out with him again backstage (still no sex) and didn’t even need a pass, his body guard just escorted me. But, I messed it up when I went to Italy and fell in love with some boy and just stopped writing to him. What can I say, I was only 21.”
Of course rock stars can also be mean–another user reports that Billy Corgan of The Smashing Pumpkins is famously rude. She says she was backstage at an event where Corgan backhanded a DJ in the face–a woman–then tried to act like it was no big deal.
Reading their accounts you also start to get a sense of what the modern “rockstar lifestyle” entails. Apparently, a few years back Marilyn Manson was “auditioning” girlfriends via Myspace. He would invite them over the mansion to see if he liked them. The porn-star Stoya was apparently a Myspace “winner” and was a girlfriend for a few months. How has this not become a staple VH1 show? I’m waiting.
Oh…Apparently, There Are Male Groupies
On one of the forum threads, the girls vent about the male groupies backstage. They complain that male groupies are often more aggressive and do things like cut them off when they are talking or belittle them in front of band members. Pleather is known as the only famous male groupie, who pops up during the 90’s when we begin to see a lot more women in rock. Pleather was interviewed by famed 60’s journalist Pamela Des Barres about his exploits. He’s famously spent time with Courtney Love, who he recounts to Des Barres has shaky self-esteem. If that’s all he has to say about Ms. Love, well, yawn.
Totally Random Things You Need to Know
Groupie Central conducted a survey among groupies, asking who is the best lover–and hands down it went to Steven Tyler. Ladies talked up his oral skills, glad to know that mouth is being put to good use, and some groupies reported having threesomes with Steven and fellow Aerosmith member Joe Perry.
Who knew that people were laying boy bands? According to a dated and hilarious write-up about the Backstreet Boys: “Groupies say that A.J. doesn’t like to use condoms and he’s a ‘backdoor’ man.”
Also Glen Danzig of Misfits fame has a “five inch penis”. Which is a pretty banal size to report on, but okay, noted…
Eminem actually hired a groupie wrangler for a 2003 tour — a body guard especially for handling groupies and in Em’s case, keeping them away. Maybe it’s because he’s a forum favorite? Girls gush about his apparently ginormous member and proclivities for cell-phone recording the escapades.
Groupie Central sent out a warning about ICP. “The members of Insane Clown Posse are rude, crude, and treat their groupies like dirt. The clowns are so desperate for attention that they’ll take practically any groupie, no matter what she looks like. Violent J has a big penis but he doesn’t have much stamina and he’s secretly self-conscious about being overweight.” Aw.
And last but not least, that guy from the Goo Goo Dolls is into BDSM. If you’re ever in a cheesy dungeon club and “Slide” is playing in the background, you know why.