The Six Sexiest Moments in Recent Advertising History

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In our continuing effort to bring you the sexiest of sexy, The Smoking Jacket has launched a new feature, The Week in Sexy Advertising. It’s written by Steve Hall who publishes Adrants, a site that writes about marketing, advertising and the use of sex as a selling point. We won’t discuss the business of advertising much because, well, that’s just boring. But we will bring you a weekly round up advertising’s best eye candy.

Test Proves Women Are Still Hotter Than Cars

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Acknowledging our obsession with women and cars, Nissan decided to conduct a test to see, once and for all, which one is hotter: the car or the woman. In four ads, models are pitted against the Nissan Juke and important metrics like acceleration, agility, aerodynamics and curb appeal are examined. While Nissan would like us to think otherwise, it’s clear from these tests that the models far surpass the less-than-attractive Juke on the hotness scale. Sorry, Nissan. Some things never change.

Yup. Women Still Hotter Than Cars

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In yet another comparison between the hotness of women and the hotness of cars, Lexus grabbed Dutch supermodel Rianne ten Haken, dressed her in a tiny little yellow bikini, placed her in an airplane hanger and did donuts around her in the Lexus LFE Super Car. Get it? Super Car versus Supermodel?

In a video, Haken does her bubble-headed best trying to explain just how hot the Lexus is saying, “I think the car just sounds like testosterone. Like, full on, like, strong power. It moves so quickly that I didn’t even realize what was going on and it was just like the energy around me totally changed.”

My, my, my. The intelligence level astounds. Anyway, the whole thing was part of a photo shoot that placed Haken and the Lexus in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition which, if you haven’t already, can be had at your local convenience store.

When You Want to Sell Something, Forget Creativity. Just Hire a Hot Chick

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If you’ve ever shopped at Old Navy, you’ve probably seen those stupid looking mannequins that are somehow supposed to convince you the store’s clothing is really cool and you should really buy their fashions. Well, that didn’t go over so well and the brand retired the “Modelquins,” threw in the creative ingenuity towel and went with the tried and true: The Hot Chick.

Yes. Old Navy hooked up with Kim Kardashian look-a-like Melissa Molinaro and produced a music video called Super C-U-T-E. In the video, the very, very cute…and hot Molinaro frolics about doing her best to lip sync the bubble gum pop while a dog rips her pants off revealing a nice miniskirt. Which is really the best part of the video. Well, that and the part that looks like she’s going to the bathroom at the check out counter. Just watch.

In Some Countries, Calling A Girl ‘Bagel Face’ is A Compliment

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Korean actress Shin Se Kyung is described as a “bagel face.” In America that might be considered rude but in Korea it just means the girl has a baby face and a hot body. Currently, Shin Se Kyung can be seen in a series of commercials and print ads for lingerie brand Vivien.

In the ads, we see models representing cup sizes from A to D; each one bigger than the one before. And then we see Kyung holding a glass. A voiceover intones, “the more important thing than the cup is volume” as the glass breaks. We are then, of course, treated to Kyung’s voluminous cleavage, courtesy of Vivien’s uplifting qualities.

But Shin Se Kyung’s “voluminous cleavage” can’t hold a candle to Asia’s cleavage queen, Hitomi Tanaka. Go ahead. Look her up. But be forewarned. You’ll likely find a lot of nudity. And cleavage. Lots and lots of cleavage.

Kelly Brooke is About to Explode and Needs Your Help

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You may remember the Dutch Axe commercial in which super hot angels fall from the sky to hook up with Axe-wearing men. It seems one angel has been left behind. One very, very hot and very, very frustrated angel.

Yes. Kelly Brook has been left behind. Left writhing in a state of perpetual, hyper sexualized ecstasy. Pent up with explosive desire because she hasn’t found her match. A match who can offer her much needed release from all her unrealized desire. Desire so powerful it causes her to moan with wanton abandon from the clouds above. Desire which brings her to the edge of nirvana but refuses to deliver. Desire which, if not given the chance to release itself in a flood of orgasmic delight could very well cause the world to end as we know it.

Have we convinced you to watch the video yet?

Bennett’s Bikes Seeks Busty Babes

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So Jennifer Metcalfe is a Bennetts Babe. What’s Bennetts? Bennetts is an English motorcycle insurance company that loves to hire hot women and put them in their advertising. Most recently, Metcalfe did a photo shoot for the brand. She also did a video in which she lets the hot women of the world know that Bennetts wants their bodies. Yes, Bennetts is looking for new Bennetts Babes.

But there’s just some thing a bit un-hot about Metcalfe and this whole effort. Maybe that’s because the brand already used one of the hottest women alive: Lucy Pinder. You can see Pinder wobble and bounce her 32G’s in an earlier Bennetts Bike video right here. She makes Metcalfe look as flat as a 5th grader.

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