Stupid Advice: Never Trust a Pickup Artist

Welcome to “Stupid Advice,” a weekly column in which we point out stupid advice for men and explain why it’s stupid. After all, there’s enough stupidity out there already.

This week’s “Stupid Advice” award goes to Nick Savoy for his recent article, “Why (Most) Women Give Bad Dating Advice.”

Nick Savoy, otherwise known as “Savoy,” is one of those pick-up artist guys. He’s made a career out of telling dorks and nerds how to hit on women. If you ever saw that Mystery guy on that VH1 show, the guy wearing the fake fur hats and the black eyeliner, this guy is like that. Here is my advice regarding pick-up artist advice. Don’t take it.

If you’re taking advice from a man in goggles, he better be a fighter pilot.

This is not because Mr. Savoy says you shouldn’t take dating advice from women. It’s because most of what these guys say is wrong. In fact, what they’re selling you is not the key to picking up hot chicks. What they are selling you is the fantasy that there is some “game” you can play, some cheat you can learn that will enable you to bang more babes than you can shake your penis at in a crowded room.

This is a lie. You are wasting your money. If love, or sex, or whatever you are after was really that simple, there wouldn’t be a billion advice columnists writing about it, would there?

According to Nick, there are “Six Truths About Attraction Most Women Don’t Know (or Won’t Tell You).” So, what are they?

1. “Most Beautiful Women Are Sleeping with Someone.”

Most of the beautiful women I know aren’t sleeping with anyone, at least not on a regular basis. Instead, they spend a lot of time trying to figure out why they’re not sleeping with anyone or in a relationship. Because every woman knows she can get laid easy as pie; it’s the relationship that is the tricky part. Why are most beautiful women not having sex? Because most men think they are having sex with someone else. If you don’t hit on women because you think they are already taken, you are the equivalent of a whiny football player piddling about on the sidelines. Get on the playing field, ya’ bum.

2. “Most Women Like a Man Who Can Seduce.”

All the word “seduce” does is remind me of “Search and Destroy” in that movie “Magnolia.” Which was an awesome movie. That is not reality. If any guy tried to “seduce” me, I would probably recoil in horror. Seduce? What is this, 1880? If you’re looking to seduce, you are most likely skeeving women right the hell out. Women like men who act real. If you can figure out who you are, women will relate. Fake fur hats will get you fake phone numbers. That’s it.

3. “Any Emotion Is Better Than No Emotion.”

Savoy elaborates: “You have a much better chance of dating or sleeping with a woman who currently hates you than one who is indifferent to you.” I say you have a lot better chance of getting hit over the head with a frying pan by a woman who hates you than one who is indifferent to you. If we think you’re a jerk, we’re going to think you’re a jerk until you go away. Then, we will forget you exist.

4. “Just Because She Has a Boyfriend Doesn’t Mean She’s Not Looking to Trade Up.”

I’ll give Nick this one. Women are like buyers on a car lot. You are the cars. We’ll drive that crappy Toyota until we spot that new Benz. At which point we will trade you in for less than market value.

5. “Attraction Is Transferrable.”

This is another one of those bizarre pickup-isms. Savoys says if you get a woman all worked up at a bar, and then you walk away, when you come back half an hour later, she’ll be all over some other dude. I think this guy has taken one too many trips to the zoo. Alone.

Sexual attraction is not contagious. It is specific. Women are highly selective when it comes to prospective mates. This is not the monkey cage.

6. “Women’s Sexual Decision-Making Process Is Extremely Arbitrary.”

In other words, Savoy finds women’s decision-making process completely incomprehensible, which I believe. Here’s the deal. We are Darwin’s daughters. We want the guy in the room who is most likely to protect us, to take care of us, and to impregnate us. If you’re not one of those dudes, no amount of pick-up artistry is going to help you.

Susannah Breslin is a freelance journalist and blogger. Go here to read more.