Old Stock Vertical Beer Tasting Review

I’m kind of a saint. Every week I tirelessly drink beer for YOUR benefit and ask for nothing in return. That alone has probably qualified me for a VIP cloud in the afterlife (it’s like a regular cloud, only this one comes with a complimentary basket of scented bath salts, spitwads to fire at inhabitants of lesser clouds and unlimited ethereal blowjobs). Even with that on lock, I’m using today’s article to do you a yet another solid—I’m going to finish your holiday shopping for you.

Most people are content to have their gifting be a reciprocal exchange of goods from each other’s wishlist. Mathematically speaking this is simply one person receiving the difference in cash value between the gifts. How festive. It reminds me of how Baby Jesus, upon being presented with Frankincense and myrrh, immediately offered to reimburse the Wisemen.

“I threw in a little extra for gas.”

This year, why not give a gift with real sentimental value? A gift that says “No matter what this next year throws at you, I’ll do my part to ensure you don’t have to face it completely sober.” I am, of course, talking about beer (though strictly speaking any intoxicant would send the same message):

If only this were a review column for China White…

When gifting beer always select one that can be cellared. That’s a feature that any half-braindead beer salesman should be able to point out to you, but when in doubt choose bottles with high alcohol content and yeasty looking crap at the bottom of the bottle. The reasons for choosing beers of this ilk are myriad:

1. Cellaring is something more commonly associated with rich people and their wine. Giving someone the chance to use “cellar” as a verb is like validating they’ve arrived in life, even if the beer is just being tucked in the one corner of the shed where no weed-killer or paint thinner will spill on it.
2. Your gift earns value and distinction over time without any effort on your part.
3. If your friend dies before they have a chance to drink it, they’ve just cellared it for you!

To demonstrate the value of a properly cellared beer, I’m doing TSJ’s first Vertical Beer Tasting. This is a comparative sampling from the same beer year over year, reviewed for how it evolves with time. I’ve selected North Coast’s “Old Stock Ale” because its ridiculous alcohol content is custom designed to help you misplace at least a couple of the bottles in the 4-pack. The line between “lost” and “cellared” is hazy so long as you find it eventually.

I don’t see much point in posting a picture of the same beer three times over, so I’ll instead demonstrate Old Stock’s uncanny ability to obscure the nipples of the vintage’s representative Playmate of the Year.

2010 Old Stock Ale (11.7% ABV)

The beauty of cracking open an aged beer is that it naturally triggers nostalgia. Occasionally it triggers botulism too, but usually just nostalgia. Why, it seems like only mere months ago that there was still no cure for cancer or cold-fusion powered hovershoes. 2010 really delivered!

(Note to readers: as these articles are submitted weeks in advance, some of the aforementioned may not have happened. I apologize for any confusion that caused. )

This crisp, reddish-brown brew has a dense, chewy tan head with tons of lacing around the glass. The nose has no detectable bitterness, but rather some woody aromas with a pinch of warming spices and sweetness.

With 11.7% alcohol it’s no surprise that this beer immediately warms the palate, but it is a bit astringent. This is compensated for by a ton of caramel sweetness and very pleasant brown sugar flavors.

Not unlike me in my youth, this beer is brash, full of gusto and would probably serve society best by retreating into a dark cave for a couple of years.

Grade: B +

2009 Old Stock Ale (11.5% ABV)

Ah, 2009. I get misty just thinking about those halcyon days. Back then a gallon of gas only cost around $3! A young artistic upstart named “Lady Gaga” released a string of pop hits, only to fade into obscurity forever. Youtube sensation “David After Dentist” reminded us just how funny fledgling drug use could be.

It’s like I’m looking in a mirror.

Back to the beer, some of the clarity of that sharp red-brown has faded, though it’s not necessarily cloudy. More noticeably the consistency of the head significantly diminished.

The 2009 Old Stock is markedly less aromatic than the current edition. However, along with all of these elements seemingly getting gimped with age, the alcohol has less of a bite and the sweetness has evolved into something more rich and maple-syrup-like. I catch more cinnamon in the mix as well. The brown sugar notes have increased to such a degree it is actually reminiscent of a well-aged rum.

Grade: A-

2007 Old Stock Ale (11.7% ABV)

2007 brought about a Spiderman movie so goddawful that we were forced to root for any of the rabble of 42 villains involved to eviscerate Peter Parker. I really don’t remember much else. Odds are pretty good Kanye West said something wildly inappropriate in a public venue somewhere, so I’ll go with that too.

It’s the kind of crazy you can set your watch to.

The first thing I notice about this year’s beer is the trace sediments that have accumulated at the bottom. I’m not sure if things are dropping out of solution or the alcohol has grown potent enough to scrape glass off the interior. Either way, I’m pouring with caution.

Strangely this has become the most aromatic of the bunch. The nose has gotten more heavy and musty, like an obese grandfather who has you in a headlock…but in a good way.

The 2009 flavors are all represented, but they linger a bit longer with the heavier mouthfeel. There’s some light vanilla notes and maybe even Jaegermeister notes present as well. The bite of the spices has diminished slightly, though there’s still plenty of alcohol warmth to go around. The biggest surprise is how the mouthfeel has evolved into something that’s almost creamy rather than syrupy.

Grade: A

Conclusion: As good as this beer is fresh from the factory, it will be much harder to blow through my seasonal purchase knowing the improvements available in just a couple of years.