MAN CRUSH OF THE WEEK: JOE FLACCO
Joe Flacco is not the best quarterback in the NFL. I would argue (state as fact) Aaron Rodgers, Tom Brady, Eli Manning, Peyton Manning, Matthew Stafford, Drew Brees, and Phillip Rivers are unquestionably better. You could make a not completely illogical (it would be very wrong, but someone might listen to it) argument that Tim Tebow is comparable to Joe Flacco.
Flacco has taken ton of shit over the years, most of it deserved, but some not. It’s easy to forget that if Lee Evans was capable of catching a football (his job and stuff) the Ravens would have been in the Super Bowl last year. But that doesn’t mean Flacco is the best quarterback or anything.
He’s going to be a free agent at the end of the year and his agent went and said that Flacco was a top five quarterback. And when Flacco went on WSNT in Baltimore and was asked if he was a top five quarterback, he gave the best possible answer ever.
“I assume everybody thinks they’re a top-five quarterback,” Flacco said. “I mean, I think I’m the best. I don’t think I’m top five, I think I’m the best. I don’t think I’d be very successful at my job if I didn’t feel that way. I mean, c’mon? That’s not really too tough of a question.”
Boom. Nailed it.
Of course Flacco too a bunch of shit for this as well since that’s what people do to Joe Flacco and because Twitter was made for making fun of people. But it made me really love Joe Flacco.
He had to know he would be criticized. But when you play sports, especially professionally, you have to answer you think you are the best. If he didn’t he would have been made fun of as well. Really the question was set up to make him fail. But he crushed it. It’s better to be defending yourself as being the best than defend yourself as not the best.
Whether or not you really think you are the best at anything, you should at least pretend like it. Most of living is forcing yourself to believe lies. And if you can believe the lie that you are better than you think you are, you are doing pretty well. There’s a little bit of Flacco in everyone, even if he gets paid millions and millions more than us for not being the best.
If I were a Ravens fan I would be pretty happy with Flacco after all this. You want to have the best quarterback on your team. Or at least one who thinks he is.
DOUCHEBAG OF THE WEEK: KENTUCKY FANS
It should be noted first that I have an irrational love of couches. If given the choice, I will usually opt for a couch over a bed. And if I were rich enough to actually have a couch, I would probably sleep on it regularly. Even if you don’t love couches quite as much as I do, you have to admit that falling asleep on the couch watching TV is probably the pinnacle of human enjoyment.
I also have an irrational hate for Kentucky dating back to long drives though the state as a kid, and as the former residence of one of my least favorite people in the world. So it didn’t take much for me to hate the University of Kentucky, despite picking them to win the NCAA tournament. Let’s be honest. What have they ever really contributed to the country other than our greatest president and baseball bats?
But when the students rioted not only after beating Louisville, but and then went even crazier after beating Kansas in the title game, it was like they were trying out for Douchebag of the Week.
Guys. Setting stuff on fire after you win stuff is stupid. It makes me hate you. This whole new idea of being a fan and taking it to a level outside of sports where it actually becomes dangerous is one of the worst changes in sports over the last ten years. You can’t go to games wearing opposing team’s stuff without the threat of violence. You can have your team win without the threat of your car being set on fire. And you can’t have your team win without burning perfectly good, comfortable couches. It makes me hate sport fans.
The riot after the game started off relatively humorous, I mean, a bunch of pasty white guys running around setting things on fire and then hearing the police scanner activity live tweeted is kind of great. But when guns and serious violence get involved it stops being fun in a hurry. Never should liking a sports team put you at risk of being harmed. It just shouldn’t. I think the NCAA isn’t going far enough to stop these things either. If your fans riot, there should be penalties the university should pay on and off the field. Would these drunk Kentuckans (?) be so happy about breaking stuff if it meant the basketball team would lose a scholarship? Granted, I hate the entire state Kentucky so I don’t trust they would change their ways, but maybe they would.
When your team wins something and the fans make the story about how the fans are morons, it takes away from the team. Honestly, I’d be super pissed if I was a Kentucky basketball player. Or if it was my couch they burned. Or my foot they shot. Super pissed.