The web went a bit drool-crazy yesterday over the announcement of KFC’s latest contribution to barf-inducing culinary inventions, the KFC Skinwich. Made of five juicy layers of fried chicken skin, American cheese and bacon, it’s enough to make you reconsider your girlfriend’s crazy cottage cheese-only diet. Sadly, it was just a hoax cooked up by BrainResidue. But these five fast food items are anything but hoaxes, enough to make you blink twice and gag when you spot them on your menu.
Burger King’s Pizza Burger
In an impressive show of gluttony, the new Times Square BK Whopper Bar in New York City unveiled the New York Pizza Burger–four beef patties, pepperoni, mozzarella cheese and Tuscan pesto sauce, sandwiched between two 9-and-a-half-inch-sesame seed buns and an invisible layer of self-hatred.
We’re not sure what the world needs less, that sandwich or a “Whopper Bar” in New York City (or anywhere else). If you disagree and decide to take an early lunch in hopes of earning the title of “Whoppertender” on your own, be advised, they say it’s “meant to be shared.” In other words, enjoy a New York Pizza Burger the same way you enjoy fortified wine…in moderation. Probably a good idea to not drive or operate heavy machinery for awhile after eating one also. [Eater]
Friendly’s Grilled Cheese Burger Melt
Black Angus Beef! White bread! Cheese! Grilled! Why?! Because we are all that is man! Even women can make that claim if they’re having a go at this monstrosity. Really, if you survive one round of heart disease roulette with this thing, you’ve earned the right to call yourself whatever the hell you please. Not to mention an almost certain trip to the hospital shortly thereafter. Relaxing!
Friendly’s Mac ‘n Cheese Quesadilla
Not only does this delectable meal of a slab of mac ‘n cheese on tortillas come with ketchup, a dessert, a drink and a choice of bacon or a Friendly Frank (“to get to the next level”)–it’s a fucking kid’s meal. Preparing your kid for his Heavyweights: Backfat audition, are we?
Denny’s Fried Cheese Melt
While melting into a sticky booth at your local Denny’s hotspot, chowing on a late-night grilled cheese treat at the counter next to your friendly neighborhood pedophile, haven’t you thought, “The only thing that could make this better is some fried sticks of cheese to balance out this melted cheese”? No? Well, order a milkshake and STFU, then. You’re at Denny’s, bro, not Panera.
IHOP’s Pancake Cheesecake Sandwich
This fruity treat was only offered through June, but we’re sure it will make a comeback. How could you resist two flapjacks with creamy cheesecake in the middle, topped off with fruit and whipped cream, then paired with hashbrowns, eggs, and your choice of sausage, ham or bacon? We’ll be waiting for its return with baited breath, IHOP geniuses.