Ask TSJ: My Best Friend’s Girl is Hitting On Me. What Should I Do?
Life is hard. It seems like every new day brings a new question that, try as you might, you’re just unable to find an answer for. The Smoking Jacket understands this, and we’re here to help.
Each week, media sensation Tracy Pendergast and TSJ’s managing editor, Adam Tod Brown, set aside some time in their busy schedules to answer your questions in a feature we’ve cleverly named “Ask TSJ.”
This week’s question comes from Mark, a reader in Florida…
The other night I was out with friends and ran into my buddy’s girl who was out with a group of her girlfriends. Long story short, she was hitting on me all night and acting like a complete skank. Should I tell my friend what happened or let him figure out what kind of person she really is on his own?
Tracy Pendergast: Mark, you might think that telling your friend every annoying detail is the right thing to do, but it’s not! The only conflict this is going to create is a conflict between you and your friend. If he really likes her and she denies that she hit on you (which she will), it’s just going to make things uncomfortable. If she has a history of going out and embarrassing herself, it’s only a matter of time before your friend starts to figure it out.
Look at this as a gift Mark. This girl has literally given you a big beautiful package with a fluffy bow. You can now make uncomfortable, all knowing eye contact with her every time she’s cramping your style.
Is she complaining that it’s too cold in the car on the way home from a camping trip? Adjust review mirror, secure awkward eye contact, stare.
What? She wants to leave the baseball game early because your team could never make a come back? Push up sunglasses with foam pointer finger, open eyes uncomfortably wide, stare.
While opening gifts at your birthday party, you discover her and your friend got you a Chili’s gift card. You’re not a huge fan of Chili’s. Softly push your hair off your forehead, look deep into her soul, slowly and sexually mouth the words “Olive Garden” and stare.
This is going to be awesome.
Adam Tod Brown: Nope, don’t tell him. That’s only going to lead to a bunch of unwanted drama. It’s not like she’s going to admit it. At best, she’ll lie and say it never happened. At worst, she’ll turn it around and say that you were the one hitting on her. And she’s got the vag, so she’ll likely win that particular argument with your best friend.
Or even worse, what if you find out that your best friend and his girlfriend have an open relationship and he would have been totally cool with you doing her but now they both find you far too square to share in their carefree lifestyle? Nobody wants to live with a blown opportunity on their conscience.
Besides, if she’s really the slut that you’re making her out to be, he’ll find out. It will be a much less crushing blow if he finds out by way of walking in on her blowing the bass player from some shitty local emo band instead of finding out by way of you telling him that she asked you to fingerbang her in the bathroom at a Dave & Busters.
Adam Tod Brown is the managing editor of The Smoking Jacket. He would like to be your friend on Facebook and on Twitter @realadambrown.
Tracy Pendergast is a writer, model, singer, television personality and professional magician’s assistant. We might be lying about one of those facts. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter to find out which one.
Got a question for Adam and Tracy? Click here and fire away. If we use it…your life will immediately improve for the better.
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“Ask TSJ: My Best Friend’s Girl is Hitting On Me. What Should I Do?”
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…Awesome website…
[...]Wow, fantastic weblog structure! How lengthy have you ever been running a blog for?[...]…
5:26 pm on July 25th, 2011
So frigging easy your site is embarrassing trying to be all cool.
Q: What Should I Do?
A: Her.
7:12 pm on July 25th, 2011
Worst advise ever!
Always be open an honest… ALWAYS! Eventually, shit’s gonna hit the fan anyway about something with a partner like this and guess what? You never told him!
You didn’t create this drama, she did.
Holding it secretly over her head will only work if she gives a damn and she has already shown that she doesn’t by trying to get into her BF’s BFF’s pants. So why should she care if you look at her silently and never do anything about. That plan is passive aggressive and does you and your besty no good.
Tell your best friend. He might not believe you, but later on he won’t be able to say that you never told him. Absolved.
That or fuck her, you might as well because if you don’t you are already guilty of keeping something from and your best friend and hence lieing. So you might as well dip your wick in it.
8:52 pm on July 25th, 2011
I’ve been through this situation. You shouldn’t say anything. They are correct. I told him, he didn’t believe me. It made things akward for a while. I thought about takin her for a ride, to prove she was a slut but that would’ve hurt him worse. He’s still my best friend and she is still with him. It’s been a few years and she has changed her ways. Shes really a great person now. Again don’t say anything!!
9:30 pm on July 25th, 2011
Go for it bro, I would, Hit it!
http://www.web-privacy.au.tc
2:08 pm on September 17th, 2011
Was she drunk? I can see the reasons to not tell him, but then again, the situation could also backfire, like the commenter who said it may come to haunt you for not telling your friend. I wonder if there’s a way to diplomatically drop hints to your friend. But then again this is coming from a woman. Most men aren’t exactly the most subtle of creatures.
3:14 pm on February 13th, 2012
This just happened to me a couple of nights ago which is why i was on this site trying to figure out if i did the right thing or not. I went to a bar few days ago with a couple of my freinds and i ran into BOTH of my freind’s girlfreinds who are hanging out with each other having “ladies night out”. One of these girls was my closest freind’s gf and the other girl was going out with a guy i knew for a while but we never really hung out that much. Anyway when i saw them they were so excited to see me and told me to join them for a drink (by the way we were all really hammered by that time already). I went over and sat right between the both of them, we chatted for a bit, had a few more drinks and all of a sudden they started to make out with each other. Now im a guy.. who is really drunk watching these two hot chicks wrestling with their tongues an inch away from my face. I told them like wtf were they doing and that they were a tease… and as soon as i said that, one of the girls grabs my head and brings me in for a 3 way makeout session. A bit more stuff happened for a while and then long story short, i left after i realized what i did and i told them i couldnt do it anymore so i walked away. I texted my best freind the next day and told him we needed to talk and he somehow knew it was related to his gf and he said he was going to see her in an hour and that they got into an arguement the night before. He also told me that if it was about gis girl then to tell him now and as his boy, i respected that and told him over the phone. An hour later i get a text from his girl saying they broke up. Now, i feel responsible for this whole situation and im starting to think that i definetly made the wrong decision. Feeling guilty as shit, fucked up one relationship and probably another when my other freind finds out about his girl (who was the bigger slut btw). Anyway, i need to do some more thinking about the next move im going to make and i hope this helps anyone in making the right decison if its a similar situation. If anyone has any good advise for me i would also appriciate it so defiently just leave a reply and maybe going forward shit like this never happens again.
7:20 am on March 9th, 2012
Fantastic issues altogether, you just won a brand new reader. What might you suggest about your publish that you simply made some days in the past? Any positive?
2:09 pm on May 20th, 2012
Seems simple to me:
Don’t tell him, tell her.
If she hits on you again, enjoy yourself but don’t let it go anywhere. Not all flirting is meant to get results, it could just be your a guy she knows so she feels more comfortable with you than strangers while out.
She tries anything, just look her dead in the eye and say (in your own words, strongly but gently) “you’re my best friends girl. I’m not willing to go there honey” and give her a comforting hug.
She’ll respect you for it. She’ll get a serious gut check and stop to think. You’ll respect yourself too.
I’ve been there, in all 3 positions. Trust me that the above is the cleanest solution to keeping things sane and happy.
Should she really push it (with intent) after you’ve been that firm/honest, only then is it time to tell your buddy.
7:30 am on September 7th, 2012
…Awesome website…
[...]Wow, fantastic weblog structure! How lengthy have you ever been running a blog for?[...]…
10:25 am on January 8th, 2013
good