There’s been a lot of talk lately about how our country is in a recession. Or maybe that we’re just coming out of a recession. Or possibly even that we were in a recession, we got out of it, and now we’re headed into another one. It’s kind of hard to keep track, especially with politicians spinning the issue left and right as the whim strikes them.
All it really means to the average citizen is that we plain don’t have as much money to spend on things as we used to, or at least not nearly as much as we’d like. And unfortunately, when it comes down to spending money on beer or spending money on rent, it’s the beer fund that usually suffers, because it’s not nearly as much fun drinking beer in a cardboard box as you might think. Luckily, there are ways that you can increase the amount of beer you consume without having to give up the comfort of having a roof over your head.
Barter Your Services
Do you have an untapped talent that is just waiting to be taken advantage of, such as web design or playing the guitar? Or do you at least have the basic physical capabilities to perform simple tasks, such as mowing lawns or moving furniture? If so, it’s time to leverage those strengths into tasty beverage opportunities. The potential of your bartering is limited only by your imagination… and perhaps by how interested people are in seeing you naked. With a little planning, you’ll soon be offering up your services in return for delicious liquid goods.
Stay Out of the Bars
The single worst way to buy beer, other than in unmarked cans from shifty-looking vendors outside of entertainment venues, is to do so in bars. Drinks bought in public houses are often three, four, ten or more times as expensive as they would be otherwise. Not to mention the fact that you’re encouraged to buy drinks for women who are unlikely to return your generous gestures with physical gratification.
If you really prefer to drink around other people instead of fueling rumors about your tendencies towards alcoholism, it’s much better to host house parties than to fill the coffers of local drinking establishments. You’ll get to invite only people you like, and are less likely to have to put up with douchebags and assholes (unless you actually prefer the company of those types of people). As an added bonus, girls are much more likely to hook up with you at a party; you don’t even have to convince them to go home with you, because hey, you’re already there.
Buy Large Quantities
This is a tip you’re going to love, because it involves buying more beer. And more beer is always better than less beer. Buying 30 packs and kegs is a great way to reduce beer’s cost per unit, whether that unit is your regular 16 ounce glass or the funnel you use for liquoring up coeds. Just note that you won’t be saving any money if you up the amount of beer you drink over a given time period because you just happen to have so much of it lying around. This is not a strategy for the weak-willed, or for anyone who has friends who like to mooch and figure that, they can just snag a few drinks because you’ve got so damn much lying around.
Keep An Eye on Sales
We understand that being a guy often means having a certain disdain for the word “sale.” After all, you want your hot, new electronics when they’re hot and new, not when they’re so old that the distributors practically have to pay people to take them. But as anyone who’s ever had to wait for Ramen to go down in price in order to afford food can attest to, sale doesn’t always have to be a bad word. Such as when it’s applied to beer.
Who could possibly be displeased when he finds out that the same pack of liquid courage that he buys for $10 can now be had for $8? Now is also a great time to scope out all of the local liquor sources to comparison shop. A skill, incidentally, that will come in handy someday in the long-distant future when you have to subvert your needs in favor of those of a squirming new life form.
Attend Beer Tastings
If you think that tastings are only for snooty wine-lovers, then you are woefully misinformed. Many fine drinking establishments now offer free tastings to tempt you into buying their wares. That’s right, free beer! Who knew? (Note that sometimes a small fee is charged for the tasting, so the “free” part isn’t necessarily a given). Sure, the whole point is that the purveyors of the beer want you to actually buy something. But if you’re the kind of person who can brush off hard-sell attempts, than this is another great way to save on beer costs.