Jurassic Park Disasters: Muldoon vs. Nedry

WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT, Jurassic Park is really about a lawsuit. Specifically, a $20 million lawsuit slammed on the park due to the unfortunate death of one unlucky “Gatekeeper” in the first scene.

Case study #1.

This Gatekeeper’s death sets all of wheels of the entire film in motion since it summons all the doctors, lawyers, and god-awful children that we have probably come to love or hate by now.

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Also, this sex-machine was there as well.

So, how does Robert Muldoon figure into this? Because the lawsuit, and with it the tragic fate of the entire park, is all the byproduct of an easily-avoidable injury that happened under his watch. Muldoon knew how dangerous the island’s velociraptors were right, so why the hell didn’t he just have them sedated before they were dropped off in their pens? Would this have violated a law, or something? Unlikely, since the point of owning a private island is doing whatever the hell you want.

Had Muldoon taken this very basic precaution, there would have been no dead Gatekeeper, no lawsuit, and—perhaps most importantly—no visitors to entertain when that tropical storm hit the island. In short, the only reason why there was even a movie was because Muldoon’s epic lapse of judgment coincided with Dennis Nedry’s little caper. Had the two happened independently of the other, all would have been fine. Instead, the whole goddamn island was fucked as a result.

Worst. Poker-face. Ever.

Which brings us to perhaps an even more inexcusable blemish on Robert Muldoon’s shaky record: the unnecessary death of Mr. Arnold, aka, Samuel L. Jackson.

After what happened to Gatekeeper, you’d better believe Mr. Arnold started checking his back.

The real tragedy in Mr. Arnold’s death was that out of virtually every single employee on the JP payroll, he was the only person who was actually pretty decent at his job. Think about it: Nedry turned out to be no different than his evil postal counterpart, Muldoon caused the worst lawsuit in the island’s history, and Dr. Henry Wu was a half-assed geneticist who pretty much made up the dinosaurs genetic code using whatever spare genetic parts he could find.

“I’m Mr. Lysine Deficiency! Don’t pay any attention to me in the sequels.”

In perhaps his finest moment, Mr. Arnold advised everyone to hold on to their butts as he shut down the entire JP system. Once that shit was done, he dutifully volunteered to flip the circuit breaks in the power shed down the road. There’s only one major problem with this: When Dr. Sattler, super-WASP, suggests doing the same damn thing, Muldoon says “You can’t just stroll down the road, ya know?” and unlocks a goddamn riot box. It seems like strolling down to the power shed with anything short of military-issue hardware is unthinkable, yet when the last living black guy on the island suggested doing the same exact thing… no objections from Muldoon.

“Step away! This is how we feed ‘em.”

Why does Muldoon do this? Was it a lapse of judgment on his part? Unlikely, since all those M-16′s and Franchi SPAS-12 combat shotguns are in Muldoon’s locker specifically for taking strolls down the road. Why in the world does he allow the single most important person left on the island to, literally, get eaten by velociraptors? All the more disturbing, why was this the second black guy to die in his care?

Personally, we think Hammond should have double-checked Muldoon’s hiring slip while he was out with Dr. Sadler, especially after the disaster with Nedry. This guy sounds like his last job was working contractual crowd-control in Apartheid-era South Africa.

“You want to know something? I really hate Nelson Mandela.”

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