Five Reasons Why Being Too Clean Is a Bad Idea

bubbleThe need to be clean wasn’t always a top priority for people, particularly in the 18th century when sewage ran down the street, perfume was doused liberally to cover a week’s worth of stench and a lap dog’s job was to make sure the fleas jumped on their stanky ass and not yours. It’s a wonder how mankind didn’t just die off right there because you know sex in the 18th century was probably a crotchety affair.

Thankfully, we no longer live in a time where having swamp ass and cheese balls in your pants is the norm. We all walk around smelling fairly fresh on a daily basis and society now encourages cleanliness with various sanitizing wipes, sprays and lotions to make sure we’re germ and bacteria free. But as much as being dirty isn’t good for you or your social life, here are five reasons why being too clean isn’t any better.

It Weakens your Immune System

immuneResearch has found that children who are exposed to farm animals tend to develop thugged out immune systems ready to pop a cap into a bacteria’s ass, which is why they’re half as likely to develop Crohn’s disease as other children. By killing all the germs right at the door, your immune system has absolutely nothing to do but go from being a young Olympic athlete to a fat, balding car salesman too busy scratching his crack then smelling his finger to fight off any germs that may have made it past your sanitizing wipe, causing you to get sicker quicker and more often.

It Causes Allergies

allergiesMore than 50 percent of Americans aged 6 to 59 years are sensitive to at least one allergen. Our immune system has shifted away from fighting infections to developing more allergic tendencies. Allergies are a reaction by the body’s immune system to foreign substances like pollen, dander and certain foods that it deems harmful. If your immune system has been all by its lonesome for quite some time, it can have a freak out of epic proportions when Mr. Pollen comes ringing at the doorbell selling boxes of sneezes.

It Gives You the Sads

sadsBeing too clean eliminates the bacteria the immune system needs to keep inflammation away and inflammatory responses eventually lead to depression. There’s growing evidence that being too clean eliminates the ancient relationships with microorganisms in foot, soil and the gut, and can be a cause of the increasing rates of people suffering from depression.

If you’ve ever wondered how pigs can roll around in a puddle of mud and shit with absolute glee, stop wondering, jump in there and find out for yourself. Your dry cleaning bill will sure as hell be a lot cheaper than seeing a therapist which should put a smile on anybody’s face almost immediately.

It Might Create WWE Superstar Germs

germsTriclosan is a disinfectant widely used in kitchen sponges, soap and plastic, but studies show that over use of this germ fighter could actually cause the emergence of “super bugs.” Through experiments, they have shown that changing one gene in the E. coli bacteria allowed it to make Triclosan its bitch by resisting Triclosan’s effects. Unless all the bacteria in an infection are killed, the ones that survive the exposure will develop a stronger resistance and eventually transform into a swarthy and thick Brooke Hogan type of germ that eats triclosans for breakfast.

It Can Leave You Exposed to More Germs

exposedWashing your hands all the time doesn’t only irritate the person that’s waiting for you outside the bathroom, it can also irritate your skin. This is also true for the rest of your body. Studies show that showering too much not only strips your body of necessary oils that help nourish your skin, leaving it dry and irritated, but it also strips away the natural enzymes in your skin that help fight bacteria.

So don’t worry if all of the sudden you realize you’ve been playing Call of Duty for two days straight on a diet of Twizzlers and warm soda. Even though you lost a couple hours of sleep and probably ruined all your chances of wearing a Speedo this summer, at least your skin has had time to replenish itself from your vigorous loofah scrubbings while building up its ability to kick a few germs to the curb.

Certainly we’re not recommending putting your daily hygiene in the back seat. Those around you might not say it all the time, but they appreciate that you don’t come into the office smelling like hot garbage. But our body has an amazing ability to adapt and defend itself from diseases, so give it a chance to do its job. The next time one of your clean friends with bright red, squeaky clean hands gives you side eye for applying the five second rule to the pizza slice that you just dropped cheese down; take a big bite and revel in the fact that your immune system can probably drop kick his immune system right in the ass.

Written by Elaine Chaney, whose natural two day musk smells like sex and candy…topped with chili beans. Read more from her at Sanity, Interrupted.