America’s Failed Education System Comes to Wheel of Fortune
I don’t make a habit of tuning into Wheel of Fortune on a regular basis. At least, I don’t make a habit of it these days. I was fascinated with that show as a kid, probably because my sister and I were always really good at it. Because of that, when I happen to be in front of a television and Wheel of Fortune is on, I at least pay the scant amount of attention required to try and solve the puzzles.
That’s the situation I found myself in last night. I had just changed the channel in advance of watching something else. I was a few minutes early, so the tail end of Wheel of Fortune was still on. As usual, I paid just enough attention to see what the puzzle was. But soon, I found myself paying attention to something else entirely… the complete and total failure of the American education system, played out for all the world to see on a long running television game show.
When I first started focusing on the puzzle at hand, the category was PLACE and the puzzle looked like this…
A lot of you might have already figured it out, if so, please don’t shout it out and spoil it for everyone else who may be reading this with you, if tandem internet viewing is something you partake in. As for me, I was split between Pat Sajak’s mellow game show host stylings and putting together this morning’s TSJ feature, so I hadn’t quite figured it out yet due to a lack of concentration.
But a couple more spins revealed a few more letters…
Boom! I got it! I really did have it at this point. You probably do by now also. I was fairly certain whichever contestant was up next would have it too. I was even more sure of that when this happened…
If you’re unfamiliar, the Final Spin happens when time is running short. Pat Sajak spins the wheel one last time to settle on a dollar amount that each contestant will get for correctly picking a letter and each contestant just takes turns shouting out a letter and taking a shot at solving the puzzle. It usually doesn’t take long after that for the puzzle to be solved.
Given the fact that I had already figured it out, I assumed a winner was just seconds from being decided. I was even more confident when a few more letters were revealed and the puzzle now looked like this…
Got it yet? Of course you do, who the fuck wouldn’t know the answer to that puzzle by now? The category is PLACE. Just say what’s already there and the rest should just fill itself in. At least, it should if you aren’t one of the three brain dead contestants on this particular episode of Wheel of Fortune. But just in case, let’s reveal one more letter and see if it clicks for you…
It’s at this point that the scholarly gentleman on the left said “Aviland, New Zealand?”
What the motherfuck is Aviland, New Zealand? Even if that’s a place, nobody could possibly be expected to know about it in this situation. This is Wheel of Fortune, not Ken Jennings vs. Watson in the final round of Jeopardy.
What an idiot, right? He’s sure going to regret his dumbassery when one of those two ladies solves the puzzle, which I assumed one of them assuredly would once the puzzle looked like this…
Well, the woman in the middle didn’t get it. Instead, she asked if there was an “R” in the puzzle? Yes, there is, it’s in the part of the puzzle where we all pause to ask “R you in a fucking coma?” Come on, lady at the end, you’ve got this…
Well, you can probably tell from the arm positioning at work here that she, in fact, does not have this. She doesn’t have it at all. Who would have thought it would come to this? After blowing it with that ridiculous “Aviland, New Zealand” guess, dumbass there on the left is going to win. Alright sir, let’s get this handled and get the fuck out of here. You’re going to solve the puzzle now, right? Right?!?!
Nope. As you can see in the above photo, not only did he not get it, but the woman in the middle is still stumped and the woman on the right is up again and, just like before, she’s completely lost. For the love of god, all she has to do is just say what’s already there even sort of correctly and the round is hers. So what does she say?
“Aackland, New Zealand?”
Holy beejeezus, lady. It’s at this point that Pat reminds this collective of idiocy that there are only vowels remaining in the puzzle. And, in turn, it’s at this point that we’d like to add that if any of you reading this needed to be told that, you should probably just kill yourself.
Keep in mind, I was watching this happen live. I’m literally screaming at the television “DO NOT buy a fucking vowel! If you buy a goddamn vowel, so help me GOD I will…”
“Pat, I’d like to buy a vowel please.”
Son. Of. A. Bitch. This dipshit just bought a vowel. To his credit, he at least picked the right vowel.
So here we are. Back when this genius said “Aviland, New Zealand” did any of you out there suspect HE would be the one to go on and win? Well, he did. Finally, after every single letter had been revealed in what felt like a four hour national nightmare of public education failure, he turned to Pat and, with the absolute least amount of confidence you could imagine, said “Auckland, New Zealand?”
Hallelujah! We have a winner! Fittingly, when Pat Sajak walked over to congratulate this moron, the guy says “I’ve literally never heard of that place.” Well, that’s fine. Have you heard of consonants and vowels and syllables and the English language? Because at some point, very early on, we passed the point where solving this shit required any knowledge of geography at all.
Shockingly, this guy went on to the bonus round and fucking nailed it. The word? T _ _ N S _ _ P.
Yeah, he nailed “township” but couldn’t quite wrap his head around “A _ C K L A N D N E W Z E A L A N D.”
For his troubles, he walked away with over $30,000 in cash and prizes. Meanwhile, at the insurance job I worked at prior to quitting so I could pursue writing full time, my last tax return showed that I made just over $29,000 for the entire year. And I’m calling this guy stupid?
Yes, I am. I would rather be poor than be the guy who thinks all he needs to know about the world is a fucking township.
HOT LINKS
“America’s Failed Education System Comes to Wheel of Fortune”
10:07 am on February 24th, 2011
I’ll be the first to tell you that geography isn’t my strongpoint. I couldn’t tell Alderaan from Dantooine if you showed me a starmap, but even I knew Auckland, New Zealand, for Sithlord’s sake!
Holy Hoth, people are getting dumber by the minute!
D.V. Ader – Peas out y’all. Guess I’ll order the carrots then.
3:12 pm on February 24th, 2011
hey Adam, if you want some pointers on ideas for a good website visit my mom over at averagelookingbuteasymilfs.com. Viva La Vida Loca! Also, I enjoy penis.
7:22 am on February 25th, 2011
Is New Zealand in Europe?
6:58 pm on February 25th, 2011
It is a european country, but located in the Australian continent right next to Australia.
3:39 am on March 9th, 2011
never heard of auckland new zealand…..
12:55 pm on March 11th, 2011
you probably should go back to insurance job if this is the best topic u can find to write about …
5:17 pm on March 26th, 2011
more than a lack of an educational system in the U.S., this puzzle just proves that the game shows are rigged and the winner is told to everyone involved ahead of time. why else would someone with all but one letter showing screw this up.
1:36 am on April 18th, 2011
Americans are retarded at the best of times
10:45 pm on April 18th, 2011
I guessed it was Auckland New Zealand just before the guy bought the “u”, and I have a master’s degree. Calling 3 people who have probably never left the country idiots for not knowing Geography on the other side of the planet doesn’t make sense
11:45 pm on April 23rd, 2011
Blame the teacher’s unions and the refusal to test teachers.
8:14 pm on April 25th, 2011
Lol, stupid bitch.
3:19 pm on April 27th, 2011
Sorry, Randy, I am shocked to read you have a master’s degree but don’t bother about common knowledge and the world. Ignorance is never an excuse (though that particular “virus” seems commonly spread in the United States of America, sadly…) Even if somebody “didn’t get out of the country”, you should know about the world…… You should have _some_ interest in general geography, history, etc.
Most comments to this aricle make me so very sad..
Btw, Adam Tod Brown, I really enjoyed your aticle! I hope to read more : )
6:43 pm on May 1st, 2011
It’s amusing to read the comments from people that — except for Marina and Darth — are twice as stupid as these WoF contestants.
1:20 pm on May 3rd, 2011
I saw this episode. To add to the moronacy, after the guy said “I’ve literally never heard of that place”, Pat Sajak said something sarcastic like “Well that’s understandable, it’s only the CAPITAL of New Zealand.” Which would have been a good zinger, if not for the fact that Wellington is the capital of New Zealand.
8:56 pm on May 16th, 2011
truly your education sucks mates
3:07 pm on May 22nd, 2011
I don’t think that three people represent the entire country’s educational system, but we also don’t learn a whole lot about smaller countries like New Zealand. I wonder how many people in other countries can name our smallest state’s capital, especially considering a lot of Americans probably couldn’t.
That’s a pretty good comparison, imo. If it’s not something we need to know about, a lot of people don’t care to learn.
Another thing, those people are all, what, in their 30′s, 40′s? Would they have even learned about New Zealand when they went to school?
Finally, I’m 23 and without even reading the article I knew the answer. I’m also American.
11:27 pm on May 23rd, 2011
A bit of an overreaction, I think. Sure, I’ve heard of the place. Did I have any idea until there were only a few blanks, no way.
Faulting everyone for not knowing this is ridiculous. Being in the sciences, my knowledge (or level of caring) about geography is not very great. While I may know more than the average ‘American’, I’d never fault any of you for not knowing – for instance – the name of the closest star, or what a Nickel superalloy is used for. These are extremely basic things for anyone interested in science (or has ‘general curiosity’ as it was put).
While a bit silly if you don’t know it, it’s hardly worthy of such a rant.
12:28 am on May 27th, 2011
Not many Americans are interested in New Zealand. I never heard of Auckland NZ, and why should I have? What is the importance of it in my day to day life? The schools here teach American history for the most part, and when we are taught about world Geography, at least from my experience, we are mostly taught about Middle Eastern and African geography. Auckland NZ has as much to do with Americans as Charlotte North Carolina has to do with people from New Zealand. This is an example of America’s education system failing to put a spotlight on New Zealand, not a general failure of the system itself.
1:20 pm on October 19th, 2011
I figured it out the first time I saw the screen cap.
This is both funny and sad, and it explains, why I can get away with telling my non English speaking neighbors that English is my second language. With a straight face I can say my first language is Klingon and if I had to learn English when I immigrated here then they should too.