Whatup, Green Day? SRSLY

Whattup, Greenday? SRSLY

Green Day: What the HELL is going on with you guys? SRSLY. One minute you’re conquering new musical frontiers, the next you’re in rehab, like, for real! I care about this band, their amazing habit of inviting fans onstage to PLAY their ACTUAL SONGS. But this rough patch so close to the top of Olympus has me wanting to recap the last few months and try to make sense of it all. From Awesome as Fuck to Tan as Stupid. What’s happening? Stop the insanity!

It was last April when BJ announced the band would do the impossible, and cube themselves by writing and recording THREE WHOLE ALBUMS of three people playing three chords. And releasing them in a little over three months! One for each member, with his face on the cover! We were all so GOBBED to hear what inspirational punksnot could be STRUNG to such lengths.

In June the art dropped, as did so many a young man’s pants no doubt. This was actually happening! Call me crazy, but it’s 2012 and I’m excited about punk!

Then September came, and with it the expected drop of the first installment, Uno!, the power-pop one (?). Most reviewers had it at about a B or B minus. So? They’re punk! The lead single soared to scrape the bottom of the billboard 100 at… 97. Okay, so it’s not 2009 anymore, or 2006, 5, 4, 2, 1, 98, 96, 95, 94… anymore. Hold Fast! There’s more singles, and more friggin albums!

Then they hit a bump in Italy, where BJ had to go to the hospital for “severe dehydration!” Those pasties are killer, man! Give him a couple pop tarts, he’ll be okay!

Then came iHeartRadio. Sigh. This band was trying to introduce the world to its masterwork, and had to suffer a pretty gross indignity, let me tell you. They all looked up mid-song at a clock they were presumably told to watch, and it surprised them with the news that they were supposed to wrap up whatever it was they were doing in sixty seconds. Uh, shit guys. I think it’s time for a freak out. I think that would be appropriate right now.

Later: “We would like everyone to know that our set was not cut short by Clear Channel and to apologize to those we offended,” read the statement. “We regretfully must postpone some of our upcoming promotional appearances.”

Hmmm. Punk’s not dead it’s just… grounded. Shit! I think that guitar was so hard to break because Les Paul built it with his bare fucking hands. That was a bad call, man.

September had some good tidings though… it was then the announcement came that Jason White, Green Day amigo-long-termo who has been backing up the band for centuries will have Quatro! An album (documentary, actually) and cover art all his own! It’s up to four, they’re going for the full four! Four more years! Shheeeeeit!

In October (more like ROCKtober) things sailed right along. Uno! plowed its way to number two album on Billboard. Natch! BJ is still down for the count.

In November, as planned they released Dos!, the ‘garage’ contribution to the Quadrilogy (they somehow got ‘quad’ in there, those goofs), and reviews put it at a solid… B minus. Yes, our shit is consistent. Still a vague mix of misunderstanding and appreciation out there. Onwards, boys.#

BJ is still down for the count. Booooo.

Now what?

It’s December, and Tre! is gonna drop in no time. This is the ‘epic’ one, and man, it sure is getting epic. BJ is STILL OUT and won’t be strummin till the new year. He’s selling his beach house, what gives. Did he plan these albums to be love letters from rehab, or what. Don’t mess with drugs and triple-album touring responsibilities, kids, just don’t. Don’t.

Green Day are amazing, okay. Unbeknownst to me or anyone, while all of this has been going on, American Idiot THE MUSICAL has been touring the UK and Ireland to rave reviews. That’s right a punk band made a concept album sixteen years into their career and it was huge and had huge singles and it’s a musical now.

So get off your high horses, everyone, just settle down for a second. Everyone says they don’t make them like they used to, cause Keith Moon doesn’t blow up toilets anymore. Well I’m here to tell you this IS reality TV and these guys can still make a cool project and see it through and try to make another, again, eight years after they were sixteen years in. So let’s all bow our heads for Billie, be grateful for Jason, and have faith that Dirnt and Cool have got this covered.

Snowboarding season is almost here and you and I will have three whole albums worth of chairlift rides at least. Billie’s doing the right thing, and families are getting extra time with their dads and probably one or two roadie moms. So just, let’s just, let’s chill on this. Stay tuned, like Billie’s guitar, for more from these guys. It’s not over yet!


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