WITH SO MANY VIDEO GAMES TO PICK FROM, from RPGs to first-person shooters, from side-scrollers to sports, there’s a little something out there for everyone. The choices we make say something about us as people, and the video games we choose to play obsessively, to pre-order the latest version of, say a lot of things about who we are.
Things like this:
Grand Theft Auto
WHAT IT SAYS ABOUT YOU: You drive it like you stole it, only you didn’t really steal it, and you won’t be serving any time—thank Christ!
Fact is you don’t really like the thought of being arrested for Grand Theft or going to prison, but you do like the thought of going on a rampage, provided it’s a rampage without consequences.
Likely you have some deep-seated road rage issues, though we are all better off thanks to your decision to use GTA as a “healthy” alternative to actually going on a crazed road rage rampage where you carjack every car in sight, commit thousands of dollars in property damage, plow over pedestrians, and shoot whomever the hell you please.
So yeah, thanks for keeping it in the game.
WHAT IT SAYS ABOUT YOU: You can’t spell and you like to fight, and you like your fights bloody, very, very bloody.
You’re probably a big fan of UFC and hockey. You probably wish you had the ability to launch lightning bolts from you fingertips, or encase your enemy in a block of ice, or are deluded enough to believe you do. You also clearly enjoying “finishing him” with elaborate finishing moves that make the WWE look like pansies.
Grabbing hooks through the chest? Awesome! Ripping your opponent’s heart out with your bare hands? Awesomer! Kicking your opponent’s head off? Awesomest!
WHAT IT SAYS ABOUT YOU: You’re a history buff with a penchant for stabbing people with hidden blades. Parcour is an activity you clearly enjoy, as well as bouldering, zip-lining, parachuting and fierce combat in tight confines. You love scaling heights and leaping off of tall buildings into haystacks.
But it’s not all action adventure for you. Oh no, you’re a Renaissance man.
You also enjoy redecorating your estate, collecting fine art and thieving treasure, solving both mazes and puzzles, collecting weapons and artifacts, of course, wooing the ladies.
Oh, and should you have the opportunity to kill the pope in the Sistine Chapel, well, you’re game for that, too.
Dude, you’re all over the place.
Call of Duty: Modern Warfare
WHAT IT SAYS ABOUT YOU: You think war is great and are happy to join the fight, provided it exists solely in a video game and you’ll re-spawn after death, not, you know, die die.
Somehow the idea of fighting in a virtual war is considered a “real good time” by you and yours, but actually fighting in any war… That’s, well, not really a line of action many CoD fans opt for.
Of course you could be in the minority, could be you have used these games to train and prepare for actual modern warfare (which the more cynical might claim is the real purpose behind these games). If you are enlisting be forewarned: You only have one life, and no codes or cheats will barter you any more, so be safe and thank you for your service.
Any/Every EA Sports Title
WHAT IT SAYS ABOUT YOU: Even though you’re a terrible athlete and you never made any team you tried out for, you’ve won multiple Super Bowls and World Cups, several NBA titles, and the Stanley Cup countess times.
And the individual awards, all the big ones: MVP, Scoring Champ, perennial All Star. You may well be the most decorated, least athletic, “athlete” in the world—your only injury being carpel tunnel of the thumb.
Very likely you’re a big sports fan and plan your gaming time around sportscasts, and likely use the game to build your favorite team in the powerhouse dynasty you wish they actually were.