A Review of Three Dogfish Head IPA’s

A big part of my job is to make craft beer drinking seem more accessible. I say “seem” because there’s no way most of you are qualified to drink it. Your anemic palates and flimsy public school education are simply not up to the task. However, I would never let such stark reality impede my mission, especially since I get paid either way. Think of me as the charming and unconventional prep school teacher who isn’t afraid to help you embrace your dreams despite having zero faith you:

“Oh Beer Teacher, my Beer Teacher!”

Today’s article is certainly going to be educational. Hell, it might even “shift paradigms to align with positive synergies” as my editor likes to say. I don’t know what it means exactly, but it must be important since he’s got the bigger office. This article is for the hardcore beer geeks out there that deeply care about things like vertical tastings and beer formulations, likely at the expense of dispatching their virginity at a reasonable age.

Dogfish Head Brewery, (DFH) a perennial favorite of this column, is known for their many wacky recipes. Today we’re focusing on what seems to be among their best known, namely the X Minute IPA series. In this case, X is a variable that represents any integer, at least until DFH opts to make a 0.5 Minute IPA or actually devises a way to remove hops from the fabric of time with their -45 Minute IPA.

(Yes, I know, that was a math joke and not a very good one. Remember, this article is for my fellow nerds. I guarantee you that last paragraph made them snigger aloud in their mother’s basement.)

LOL! Good one, Ian!

The 60 and 90 Minute varieties (a reference to how long they stream fresh hops through the beer to impart aroma and some flavor) are pretty common and broadly worshiped. The 120 Minute IPA is a much rarer creature, seldom made and narrowly distributed. Having the ability to try all 3 in series is quite a special event. Or, if you’re ballin’ like me, it’s like any other Tuesday.

Like this, only with beer

60 Minute IPA (6% ABV)

This golden orange concoction smells just like the label telegraphs – like you just plunged your face into a massive pile of hops. It’s heavily laden with citrus notes, tending to favor grapefruit.

The bottle describes the 60 Minute IPA as “The continually hopped India Pale Ale.” I imagine the flavor of this beer very closely maps to finding the conveyor belt carrying those hops and licking it clean. It’s an oily, bitter IPA that delivers a muddled, grassy flavor.

Everyone wets their pants over this IPA, but, frankly, I am not really seeing it. It’s not terribad by any means, but when shoulder to shoulder with the other varieties you can scarcely believe they’re even related.

Metaphor Pop Quiz – Guess who is the 60 Minute IPA? *

Grade: B-

*Answer: The Ginger, since they aren’t technically human.

90 Minute IPA (9% ABV)

The 90 Minute IPA is a hazy, orange-hued quaff with a substantial beady head. I can’t decide if it smells more like orange-flavored Metamucil dissolved in vodka or a tall glass of Tang, mostly because I don’t know whether a follow-up joke about diarrhea or vaginas would be classier.

The first taste represents a finely tuned balancing act, which is not to say that this is delicate. There’s a massive citrus and pine hop character with an equally ridiculous amount of malted barley, resulting in a flavor collision of Superman/Doomsday proportions. (See? Nerdy.)

*nerdfap*nerdfap*nerdfap*nerdfap*

There’s bits of cherry and fruitcake in the sweetness, which makes it feel more textured. The finish is a little astringent and warming. The slightly oily mouthfeel assures that it will repeat on your palate a bit, but it’s a truly welcomed visit (unlike my editor stopping by my desk for yet another unsolicited back rub).

The 90 minute IPA manages to batter you with flavor without simultaneously punishing. It delivers balance without boredom, which makes it one of the premier IPAs available.

Grade: A+

120 Minute IPA (15-20% ABV)

My hands often tremble before I drink a beer, but that’s usually just because I haven’t had one in an hour and the tremors are resurfacing. However, with this one, I feel genuinely nervous. It’s like I’m about to drink royalty, if there’s a way to read that and not immediately think of a shameful sexual act with Prince Harry.

“Yeah…drink up, bitch!”

The 120 Minute IPA is a light, hazy amber with little or no head. The aroma is surprisingly light, but definitely favors a citrusy sweetness.

This isn’t the departure from the 60 Minute that the 90 Minute was, but its definitely an escalation. It’s what I imagine a 90 Minute IPA flavor extract would taste like. The best way to describe it is a mix of orange juice and Robitussin [a cocktail I recently invented called a ‘Vitamin C(oma)”]. It’s syrupy texture keeps the citrus and menthol notes clinging to the recesses of your mouth.

The 120 Minute IPA is a sensational candied hop liqueur, with a sweetness that borders on Pixie Stick potency. If pressed to suggest a pairing, the only reasonable accompaniment would be a sloppy, toothless blowjob. It’s among the few earthly pleasures that can stack up to a beer this unique. My only complaint is that its sweetness is so cloying that it partially withdraws me from the IPA experience.

Grade: A