Well, humanity, we’ve certainly had a nice run, but get ready for things to get all sorts of unpleasant in the near future. In general, the one thing that assures our continued dominance over the animals of the world has been that, when confronted with a particularly unruly beast, we have the ability shut them down with our advanced ability to wield a weapon to defend ourselves. Swipe with those terrifying claws all you want, bears, they’re no match for a well timed shotgun blast.
But leave it up to goddamn birds to start trying to level the playing field. As if ringing in the new year by convincing us that Arkansas was ground zero for the plague that would finally end our shit wasn’t creepy enough, now it looks like birds are getting in on the “ability to use tools” game. As anyone who has ever been struck with a hammer can attest, in combat situations, sometimes a tool is all the weapon you need.
Enter the New Caledonian crow. Crows are already one of the more intelligent birds out there, but the New Caledonian has the extra brain power to warrant that scholarly sounding name. Scientists recently discovered that New Caledonians have not only developed the ability to use tools, but they also have developed the advanced ability of sequential tool use. In layman’s terms, that means they use other tools to obtain the tools they REALLY want to find to get the job done.
In this case, fortunately, the tools in question are just twigs that they use to pry insects from trees. But a recent study not only revealed that they use twigs to dislodge tasty insects, they also use them to poke at other objects to determine if said object is a threat or just another tasty bird snack. Sounds adorable enough, but what happens when they learn to sharpen those twigs? You think seagulls swooping down at the beach to snatch your delicious french fries sucks now, wait until they’re armed with razor sharp sticks aimed at your jugular vein. It’s just a matter of time, citizens of the world.
Check out the video below to see our future winged killers in action. And then say you’re prayers, because we’re in for a bumpy goddamn ride at some point in the not too distant future.
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