Power Rankings: The 10 Most Meaningless Yet Somehow Intriguing Sports Stories of the Week

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There was a lot of stuff that happened in the world last week. A bunch of financial stuff with stocks and money and whatever, British people broke a bunch of windows and, of course, the NFL started playing fake games.

It’s a chance for season ticket holders to pay full-price to see not a real game and watch not real NFL players try not to get hurt.

But after the long lockout that caused no missed games, it’s great to see the boys out on the field again, right?

Here are the other meaningless yet somehow intriguing stories from the last week (click each pic to read more).

1. Preseason NFL football!!!


That one third-string quarterback really showed me something. Mostly that he has a name.

2. Keegan Bradley wins PGA Tournament…


I wish my name was slightly whiter and Ivy Leaguey sounding so I too could win a major in the near future.

3. Tiger Woods still sucks…


Looks like Tiger Woods is as good at golf now as he is not getting divorced from supermodels.

4. Zambrano says he’s going to retire, changes mind, gets suspended by Cubs…


He’s like the Brett Favre of baseball. If Brett Favre was really bad at baseball and a crazy person. So he’s probably exactly like Brett Favre.

5. Jim Thome joins the 600 home run club…


He had to learn the club’s secret handshake of an exploding fist pound and then bending over and injecting each other with steroids.

6. Dan Uggla snaps hit streak at 33 games…


No offense to Dan Uggla who is a goodish player, but there couldn’t have been anyone rooting for him, right? It would have ruined the last baseball record that people knew the number of. Other than the number of years it’s been since the Cubs won the World Series.

7. Ron Artest to UK…


He said he really thought he could bring a lot to the riot scene there.

8. Obama hosts the Packers…


Reportedly the Packers wouldn’t agree to the visit until Bears fan Obama agreed to every one of their demands.

9. Lee Evans traded to Ravens…

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I went to the Tigers/O’s game on Friday in Baltimore. With the pure joy that greeted this trade, you’d think football was the only good thing they have going on.

10. Mark Sanchez tells GQ he wanted to fight Rex Ryan…


Ryan was probably hoping for kick boxing instead.