Well, the Super Bowl is over. It was a great game, which is good when you consider that, depending on how the current collective bargaining agreement shakes out, it could be the last NFL game we’ll see for a few years.

If you celebrated the occasion appropriately, you likely had a lot of good food, a lot of good drinks and a whole lot of fun. Unfortunately, you also have the kind of hangover that would have killed a person back when we were still curing most of our minor ailments with leeches and such. And now, you have to go to work.

Or do you? All around the country, responsible employees will be picking up the phone this morning to inform their boss that they will not be working today. Wouldn’t you like to be one of those people? Sure you would! But what will you tell them when you call?

Here’s a handy flowchart to help figure it out. We’re even posting it way earlier than we normally would post anything on a Monday morning. Why? Because we love you and want nothing more than for you to spend the day in bed sleeping off those nasty alcohol tremors. So get to reading! That bogus illness isn’t just going to make itself up, you know?