The Funniest Place on Earth to Be a Tourist

Fucking, Austria

IMAGINE YOU’RE ON YOUR WAY ACROSS THE AUSTRIAN-GERMAN BORDER as part of your private tour of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. You’re feeling hungry, kind of tired and even a little bit lonely. There’s not a sign of life for miles until something catches your eye which you can’t believe is not a typo.

You pull the fuck over…

Nice fucking bike.

Fucking, Austria is probably the closest humanity has ever come to naming a city “That’s What She Said.” This hamlet whose name translates into “[place of] Focko’s people,” has been the subject of unwanted English-speaking affection since GIs first came across it after World War II. Although home to only 104 “Fuckingers,” the town is regularly flooded with tourists and college students vying to steal some signs, solicit sex and basically ridicule the Fucking people’s entire Fucking way of life. However, in all fairness, the Fuckingers sort of set themselves up for this.

Actual translation: “Please, not so fast!”

Because of this clear communications problem, “There are no Fucking postcards” is a common expression in the area. Fuckingers have been hemorrhaging town signs for decades and have no love for tourists. However, this hasn’t stopped the rest of the planet from finding innovative ways to express their love of Fucking thanks to our loyal Mistress Internet.

Don’t we all.

Fucking, we at Playboy proudly salute you.

13 HONORABLE MENTIONS:

1. Condom, France

The safest place on Earth.

2. Spread Eagle, Wisconsin

 

The nation’s #1 exporter of cheerleaders.

3. Mount Mee, Australia

Their town motto is “Yes.”

4. Dildo, Newfoundland

We’re guessing that arrow points toward the United States.

5. Climax, Michigan

According to that arrow, somebody’s aim is off.

6. Hell, Michigan

Their only problem is that most postcards from Michigan say this anyway.

7. Intercourse, Pennsylvania

Located right next to Blue Ball. Seriously.

This is what a highway orgy looks like.

8. Pussy, France

Paris’ slutty sister.

9. Mount Wank, Germany

The biggest wank.

10. Twatt, Shetland

In Scotland, naturally.

11. Cockburn, Australia

Note to self: Wear a raincoat.

12. Dikshit, India

 

They Jersey Shore of India.

13. Anus, France

The end.

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