Sometimes your team doesn’t win. Worse: Sometimes your team never wins (I’m looking at you Cubs fans). But sometimes losing can be almost as good as winning, depending on who’s doing the losing. The fact is there are some teams out there that are fun to watch lose — almost as much fun as watching your team kill it.
1. New York Yankees
Watching the Yankees get swept out of the ALCS made my week, because who wants the Yankees to win again?
Yankee fans are the worst, the embodiment of every negative stereotype about New Yorkers. They’re cocky, arrogant braggarts, they’re inhospitable and rude to visitors (spitting on the opposing player’s wives). They’re frontrunners that relish crushing the dream seasons of lesser franchises. But Yankee fans don’t know how to lose. It’s inconceivable to them, their stupefied when it happens. Which quickly turns to anger, an ugly New York anger, they turn on their own.
Is there a better sound in baseball then Yankee fans booing their own players?
2. Duke Blue Devils
You know that guy in the office who’s work always get recognised but isn’t better than yours, or like four or five other peoples? That guy is the Duke Blue Devils. Duke and Coach K are media darlings.
Somehow the Devils have a reputation as the program that does it right—but it’s not like they do it better than other big programs—and has the classiest fans—the ones who paint themselves blue and chant, “We’re smart! You’re Dumb!” at opposing fans. Now imagine that guy from the office gets fired every spring and you get to watch it. You’re going to enjoy that, aren’t you? Which is why people love watching Duke lose.
Plus it’s always fun to see a bunch of overpaid Doctors sulking out of the stands.
3. Dallas Cowboys
Cowboy fans might be the most delusion in all of sports. All off-season, any off-season, they’re full of big Texas-sized bluster, bragging on decades old accomplishments and ignoring fact and reason and recent history. They love their team so much they always think they have a shot, think their mediocre players are better than they are, and getting slapped in the face by reality year after year doesn’t dissuade them at all.
Also, and perhaps most importantly, when the Cowboys lose they always show shots of a sad Jerry Jones, a billionaire brooding like a boy whose favorite toy is broken.
4. Any Big Time SEC Football Program
Football is the religion of the South—if you don’t count Evangelical Christianity—and the SEC is upper echelon of deities.
SEC football generates a slavish devotion unseen in most other sports—drives men to herbicide. Of course college football is not like other sports, if you want to be National champion you must go undefeated, so any lose is a huge lose. And with any huge loss, there are tears, and crying over a football game is just funny, especially when it’s some southern Frat boy doing it.
5. European National Soccer Teams
I know, I know, Soccer? You don’t care about soccer. But it’s the most important sport in every European country, and with national pride on the line, in games against nations that have gone to war for centuries, the stakes couldn’t be higher, and high stakes equals guaranteed anguish for the losers. I watch the knock out phase of major soccer tournaments for the tears. These losses fester in these countries, they weaken the spirit of the people, they have negative effects on economic production.
It means so much to these people and so little to me it’s hilarious.