A continued look into the deepest depths of childhood video game horror. You know, because if some video games didn’t freak out everybody in the room to the point that at lease one kid throws up, the game wouldn’t be rated E for Everyone.
7. Marx Soul, Kirby Super Star Ultra
Who would have thought that a video game character looking this kid-friendly…
…Could have such an indescribably creepy laugh. Seriously, check out the fight here and you’ll see why it inspired such appropriately bizarre fan art within the Kirby community. Nothing about this character makes sense: its moves, its laughs, how cheerfully it splits itself in half down the middle… These are not the kinds of things a character looking like the NBC peacock on acid is supposed to be doing.
However, that may explain how they came up with the monster.
5 & 6. Scorpious and Roboboiler, Sonic Spinball
Sonic the Hedgehog games are not supposed to be scary, an d recent attempts to make the game darker are more sorry than anything.
The only thing scary about this is that someone invested millions of dollars into it.
However, Sonic Spinball on the Sega Genesis enjoys the unusual distinction of featuring not one but two of the creepiest enemies in the entire Sonic library. The first is Scorpious, a Level 1 boss in the form of a sneering, robotic scorpion with a scream so shrill that you have only a few second to defeat it before you teeth explode.
The second boss, Roboboiler, is merciless easier on the eardrums. Its appearance, however, is a whole other story. It boasts eyes as lifeless as a stress doll and vomits a red substance that could just as easily pass for blood as lava. Fortunately, since most people passed on this game in the first place, damage was minimal to children everywhere expect where we grew up.
Each copy came with a coupon for free therapy.
4. Ohme, Ghouls’N Ghosts
Ghouls’N Ghosts is probably the scariest game that never completely took itself seriously. I mean, your hero fights in his underwear if something hits you, and if you beat the game your biggest reward is the Princess’ measurements.
However, this is not meant to suggest that the game does not have scary enemies, and few compare to the grotesque mystique better know as Ohme: the end-boss of Level 4: The Crystal Cave & The Icy Descent.
Apparently based on the manga character Ohmu, Ohme is the largest and most frustrated enemy you face in the game. It takes up more than the whole screen, emits giant worms and maggots, and the only way you can kill it is by leaping on its back. Sound gross? Try attempt to blow up its five exposed, pulsating hearts using some of the most frustrating controls of any videogame ever designed, and you’ll see why so many children from the 16-bit era of gaming grew up dreading this monstrosity.
3. IG-88, Shadows of the Empire
Star Wars video games were not always scary, but all that changed the moment Nintendo 64 users were introduced to what Terminators were like in the Star Wars universe.
There is not a single person on Earth who beat this game without being blasted to death a dozen times by IG-88’s purple pulse cannon in the process. He walks like a hurried Pale Man’s, his lair is a rusted junkyard filled with pointy corners for him to jump out of, and his voice… Jesus Christ, just listen to it:
We don’t know how the hell LucasArts did it, but IG-88’s technobabble is creepier than anything we ever heard Darth Vader wax about parenting.
2. Majora, The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask
The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask rightly deserves its reputation as the Empire Strikes Back of the Zelda franchise if only because it marked the one moment when everyone playing it wondered aloud “Isn’t this supposed to be a kid’s game?”
Majora, the game’s end-boss, is Pan’s Labyrinth-level disturbing, and from the moment he starts moonwalking to hurried jack-in-the-box music, you know that it’s only going to get creepier.
Whatever that red stuff is, we’re pretty sure it’s unwashed.
1. Doc Doudenum, Earthworm Jim
Available only in certain editions of the game, Doc Doudenum is perhaps the one character on this list capable of causing you to lose your lunch depending on how much pizza and Thanksgiving turkey you consume beforehand.
Warning: May induce vomiting.
For starters, his lair is hands down the most surreal, disgusting, disturbing level of an already warped game about earthworms and termites. Dubbed “Intestinal Distress,” this level is a giant labyrinth of digestive tract complete with rolling balls of poop to avoid and one of the creepiest soundtracks we’ve ever heard anywhere. Seriously, check it out.
By the time Doc Duodenum shows up, you quickly learn that all that decaying fish and intestine you swam through to reach him was just digestive-themed foreplay. This guy attacks you by shooting large goops of acid from every orifice on his body until, finally, he pops. Oh, and he also happens to emit the single most unpleasant belch ever recorded for a video a game as if to cue for the players that yes, this is the part of the game where you’re supposed to throw up.
How you’ll be looking by the time you defeat him.