6. THE BOY SCOUTS GO TO WAR
Just like this, only with guns.
“The first shell fired at the Germans by Yankee artillery had a Boy Scout emblem pasted on its point.”
- The New York Times, June 1, 1919.
That’s right, the Boy Scouts of America saw action in WWI, and “even in war they showed themselves to be true Scouts”. One troop from Waltham, MA fielded 128 of their 165 Scouts for the war, including “ten young fellows who got in under the 18 to 41 rule.”
5. PHARAOH’S SONS
After setting up camp for a weekend of Boy Scouting, scouts John Fitzgerald, 9, and Christian Nanson, 11, found a human baby drifting lifelessly down the river. As a nearby fisherman who just happened to be a licensed nurse/ Jedi worked at reviving the child, the scouts cracked into action by flagging down a freaking airboat, sending a search out to find the baby’s parents, calling 911, and ultimately directing police and paramedics to the site. Sure enough, the boys’ “emergency preparedness” training paid off. The baby lived, and the boys were decorated for heroism.
Oh, and did we mentioned that they weren’t even old enough to see Pirates of the Caribbean in the theaters without a parent?
4. THE ROCKETEERS
During a routine and undeniably nerdy model rocked launch on an unusually windy day, Boy Scout Connor McNeil was impaled with his model rocket, puncturing his lung. The quick action of fellow Boy Scouts Chris Rogers and Joshua Raines saved the boy’s life, earning both of them the Boy Scouts of America Heroism Award “for taking action to save a life” after taking a rocket to the fucking chest.
3. JIMMY KENNEDY VS. HURRICANE KATRINA
Jimmy Kennedy, 13, helped saved his whole freaking family right down to the family pets when Hurricane Katrina struck his home in D’Iberville, Mississippi. He later remarked that his Emergency Preparedness merit batch helped “keep my cool” throughout the ordeal. And yes, by “the ordeal”, we mean freaking Hurricane Katrina.
Guess who won this fight? The Boy Scout.
2. ANDREW “THE GOD-GIVEN” DEFEATS TWO PITBULLS… WITH A POCKETKNIFE
How Andrew earned his Webelos.
Andrew Diodati, 16, whose name translates into Italian as Andrew “the God-Given,” was apparently blessed by the Almighty with better skills handling a blade than a certain android from Aliens.
While Andrew was walking with his 15-year-old friend Jeff Dolph, the duo was accosted by a pair of rather nasty-looking pit bulls who had a problem with Jeff’s beloved beagle, Belle. The dogs attacked Jeff’s beagle, and after kicking the dogs fruitlessly Andrew was left with no choice but to resort to his sidearm: his trusty, rusty, Krusty four-inch folding knife. Andrew stabbed the first dog and stepped on its head until it died, releasing poor Belle from the monster’s jaws. He then unloaded on the second dog with such well-controlled fury that the animal sprinted into the distance and died of its wounds by the time the police arrived on the scene.
In short, these two sorry sons of bitches–the dogs–learned the hard way just how quickly the world can change when you are stupid enough to start some trouble with a Boy Scout with his pocketknife.
Andrew has never read this book. Ever.
1. THE BOY SCOUT WHO SAVED THE PRESIDENT’S LIFE
Do they have a badge for being badass?
In 2008, a 15-year-old Boy Scout named Mohammed Jaisham Ibrahim saved the life of President Maumoon Abdul Gayoom of Maldives. In full uniform, the Boy Scout spotted an assassin with a knife and grabbed the weapon just as the assailant was about to stab their president in the stomach. Mohammed’s hands were badly injured, but he nevertheless saved President Gayoom’s life. He was awarded the Gold Medal for Civilian Bravery for Asia and a sum of money for his heroism, but honestly, we would have taken the merit badge equivalent.
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