1. The Treadmill
This is the worst place to try to communicate with another human being… it blows my mind at the amount of people who try to successfully pull off phone calls and even blue tooth conversations while power walking on the treadmill. Trying to grab a girl’s attention while she’s blasting Nicki Minaj on her iPod, in the zone and staring straight ahead will not only piss her off but might land you face first on the machine while sliding backwards (everyone’s worst nightmare).
2. The Bicycle
Definitely one of the more awkward places to try to make small talk with a stranger. “Sooooo, uh you come here often? Forgot your helmet? Heh, get it?” Never going to work. Make sure if you do go against the grain and try to land the eagle while using the bike that you don’t try to get her attention by mimicking a Tour De France race right there in LA Fitness. Everyone hates that guy who tries to race everyone on the gym equipment.
3. The Booty Machine
We all know this machine… babes love it. It’s the one where they’re pushing weights back with their foot while standing and maximizing the glutes at the same damn time. Typically, I’ve noticed that gyms love placing this machine in front of all the other ones so not only are females working out their buns but they’re putting on a show, too. To approach a woman while she’s using this machine is ballsier than a Chuck-E-Cheese play zone. Just don’t. We know you’re enjoying the show, but wait until intermission to make your move.
4. The Spread Eagle Machine
This is the machine that you can also find in any gynecologist office across the country. I refuse to believe that it actually works out any muscles whatsoever; girls just like to show off their flexing capabilities in the worst way possible. Even though using this machine is basically asking men to make obscene comments hold back your dire urge. “Ah, so… I see you really know how to uh, spread em’ wide” never worked in the history of man.
5. The Sit Up Position
So there she is; the hottest babe at the gym. You think it’s the perfect time to finally make your big move. I mean, sit up position is the perfect opportunity! She’s not working too hard and she’s sitting down… until you walk up to her mid sit up and realize it looks like she’s bobbing for apples… on your dick. This mistake could happen to any innocent man but it will instantly make you look like a To Catch A Predator victim.