The 5 Tips to Being a Successful U.F.O. Hunter

hunting-UFO

U.F.O. sightings happen almost every day, all around the world and a lot of these sightings are captured on video. With today’s technology and entire TV shows dedicated to U.F.O. hunting, you would assume that 90 percent of this video footage would be super awesome, hard to debunk and have super clear, crisp quality. However, if you take a gander at the UFO videos that’s on the internet you would see that this assumption is as wrong as Bruce Jenner’s face (who is NOT an alien, by the way, so can we all stop taking pictures of him now?).

We think getting amazing video of our otherworldly friends is long overdue and if you think you’re up to the task of becoming a top notch UFO paparazzi, then we at TSJ fully support you in your endeavor, but before you become our personal space cowboy, here are five things you need to do to be a successful U.F.O. hunter.

1. GET THE RIGHT EQUIPMENT

A U.F.O. hunter’s tools are a good video camera, a tripod or, if you want to splurge, a night vision scope.

But hold on a minute, you say, isn’t my handy dandy smart phone good enough for the job? First of all, don’t interrupt us because we were just getting to that. A cell phone is absolutely not good enough. Catching a U.F.O. on a cell phone camera isn’t unheard of but using them should be reserved for days when your phone is the only thing you have to capture a U.F.O who unexpectedly crosses your path. Cell phones are great for recording short snippets of your vacation, a concert or catching David Hasselhoff eating out of your garbageagain.

But as far as U.F.O.s go, you need equipment that offers crystal clear pictures, amazing video clarity and the ability to film in different kinds of weather, light or dark. Arming yourself with lackluster equipment for a U.F.O. hunt is a lot like shaving your face with a steak knife. Technically you could do it, but the results are always messy and unattractive.

2. FIND THE RIGHT SPOT

Do your homework on the best places to spot a U.F.O. You’d be surprised at the incredible amounts of information you can find on the Internet if you just quit looking at boobies for five seconds. Study up on U.F.O. sightings in your town on U.F.O. websites like this one, that lists sightings as they come, from all over the world, including videos, pictures and news reports.

A great place to start is in a rural area, away from the bright lights of the city. A location where it’s dark enough so you can see the night sky and all the stars clearly. If it’s someplace where you’ll probably have to pee behind a bush, then that’s probably a good spot. Also, be sure you’re not in an area that’s close to a military base because any unidentified flying objects you’ll probably see are most likely military-related.

Plus, we’re pretty sure you can’t pee on any of their Bushes, except for maybe George because we hear he’s kinky like that.

3. STEADY THAT HAND

A good way to completely fuck up the credibility of your U.F.O. video is to turn into one of those balloon men with flailing arms while you’re taping, which happens a lot and is evident in a lot of U.F.O. videos uploaded on YouTube. One minute you’re trying really hard to make out the object they’re showing you and the next minute you feel nauseous and end up watching a video of that chubby Asian kid sing Gangnam Style for the hundredth time.

This is why it’s important to make sure that you have a steady hand when videotaping. Also, as tempting as it is to zoom in on a U.F.O., remember that it’s a lot easier to keep the picture steady if you’re mostly zoomed out. If the U.F.O. is just sitting there, feel free to zoom in but if the U.F.O. is moving, steady your camera arm by leaning on to something in order to prevent shaking or better yet, bring a tripod along for maximum stability.

4. CONTROL YOUR EMOTIONS

A great U.F.O. sighting includes an informative narrative to go along with your video, which is why controlling your emotions, namely your excitement, is a must. Too many would-be great shots are completely ruined by an overly-hyper person behind the camera. Letting your emotions get the best of you will result in shit eye-witness video with you at the other end of the camera sounding like a squealing tween at a Justin Bieber concert.

Calm down, take a deep breath and focus both your camera and your thoughts. While videotaping, you want to provide the viewer with information of where you are, the date, the time, temperature, explain what you’re seeing, reference point, size, color and movement. The calmer you are the better footage you’ll get, the more information you’ll get across and most importantly, we won’t have to mute your piggy squeals when we watch it.

5. HAVE A SKEPTIC’S EYE

If you walk into a U.F.O. hunt expecting to spot a U.F.O., that’s exactly what you’ll get, even if it’s really a plane or Emmanuel Lewis bungee jumping.

Being an overly-eager believer is the wrong mindset to have when trying to find a U.F.O. because you’ll end up filming something that’s not a U.F.O. Worse, you’ll post up your “U.F.O.” footage for the public to see, someone will inevitably spot it as just being your European next door neighbor’s silver Speedo drying on the line and your credibility, along with the credibility of your video, goes to the shitter.

Your best bet is to have a skeptic’s eye when scanning the skies. Before filming something that could be a U.F.O., try to debunk what you’re seeing by running through a list of possibilities of what it could be besides a U.F.O. Go down the list until you have negated as many things as you can, that way you can truly label it as an “unidentified flying object.”

Another good way to make sure you capture an authentic U.F.O. on film is to bring a friend along so you can have another set of discerning eyes. But preferably someone who’s just an acquaintance, just in case you need to make a sacrificial offering for the aliens.

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Read more from Elaine on Shedens or follow her drunk rantings Twitter!

Related on The Smoking Jacket:
5 Reasons Why Life On Earth May Have Started in Outer Space
6 Signs You’ve Been Abducted by Aliens
Video Dump: Aliens, Not So Camera Ready 

 

 

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