THESE DAYS IT SEEMS THE ONLY THING anyone wants is to tune into television to watch is sports, and sports network have been springing up to feed this need. Problem is there just aren’t enough sports to go around and some of the so-called “sports” on some of these networks are stake a dubious claim to the title. Basically, if you can drink a six-pack of beer and smoke a cigarette and still be the winner, you’re not playing a sport, and it shouldn’t be on TV. But you could do just that in any of these televised “sports”
I don’t care that the popularity and prize money have soared poker is not a sport! It requires no athletic acumen whatsoever. Sure, fine, the brain is a muscle, and you definitely use it in poker, but it’s still not a sport—and neither is chess if that’s what you’re thinking! I mean if poker is a sport why not blackjack or rummy or bridge? Is that what we want, to watch a bunch of seniors sitting around a table taking hands and talking trump? It’s a slippery slope and we need to stop endorsing card games as sports before it’s too late.
Seriously what is Darts doing on TV? Who goes to watch live darts? I can tell you who because they do televise darts, Europeans, Brits mostly, that’s who competes in and watches live darts. But that does not make it a sport. In fact it may very well prove my point that darts is not a sport. The only thing that is impressive about darts is the speed at which the judge can subtract, further proving that it’s not a sport cause athletes don’t do math. So if you and your mates get together at the pub to play a little darts, that’s fine but don’t bring your camera no one fucking wants to see it!
Like darts, this is a pub game not a sport. I know there’s money to be won and I know people enjoy the game the world over, but it’s no sport. This is a game, a hobby, even if you can make playing it a career, that alone a sport does not make. Worst of all is when they show the trick shot competitions, a bastardization of the “sport” in question, and act like that’s a legitimate sport too. And they miss their shots like half the time! It’s like watching a game of horse being played by two kids who can’t throw the ball high enough to make a single basket. Stop encouraging these people by putting them on TV!
Bowling is not a sport it’s something you do for a child’s birthday party or a place you take a date when your fourteen years old. Sure it may have all the trappings of a sport, special shoes and gloves, balls with there own special bags, uniforms. And I can understand how people might be confused about how the other stereotypical male hobby of the 50’s and 60’s, Golf, became a real sport and bowling didn’t; but it didn’t, don’t try to make it one sports networks. At best bowling is a league night activity, at worst a horrible hell whole you’re destined to spend your Saturday nights in until you turn 21. Bowling is best left where it shines brightest, as the backdrop to cult movies.
5. Dog Shows
What the fuck is a dog show doing on TV, let alone on a sports network? This isn’t a sport it’s just a bunch of pear-shaped middle-aged women running their dogs around in a circle. It’s one thing when the dogs have to run an obstacle course, or are doing the long jump into the pool, or are racing, I can buy the sporting element of all those things, the dog as athlete angle, but the dog show is just a beauty contest. The only thing dumber than a dog show is Dressage, or “horse ballet” You know that thing Mitt Romney’s horse was doing in the Olympics. Thankfully the sports networks haven’t gotten so hard up for content as to turn to dressage, but don’t watch the dog show, it’ll only give them ideas.