Breaking up is never fun, but thanks to the Internet and the culture of oversharing it spawned, the process of splitting up has become even more painful.
Every day, brokenhearted people everywhere are tormented by Facebook status updates, online photos, tweets and even Foursquare notifications, that remind them of the existence of whatever asshat just rejected them. Yes, technology has brought us a new, special kind of torture—the kind that forces a guy to see provoking snippets of information about his harpy of an ex, Monica, in his daily Facebook news feed. It’s subtle but effective. For example, he sees that, Brad, Monica’s d-bag co-worker who was always hitting on her, just wrote on her wall: “Hey Mon, glad we FINALLY got to grab that dinner last night. ‘I recommend the meatballs.’ Bwahahahaha.” Comments like this are posted all the time and they are lethal for the recently dumped because they send the dumpee into a tailspin of overanalysis and wild conjecture: “Oh, they went to dinner? What, are they dating now?” “Why did he put ‘finally’ in all caps? Because he’s been biding his time for her to be available? I knew it!” “What the hell is that quote about the meatballs? He’s obviously talking about his own balls. That skank gave him head under the table at the Italian restaurant where they went on their first romantic date!”
Not surprisingly the Interwebz has spawned numerous applications designed to counter the very demons it created. CBS recently put together a roundup of these services. For example, those suffering from TMI online about their ex can got to BlockYourEx.com and download a browser plug-in that blocks any mention or image of your reviled ex-lover on Facebook, Twitter and Google search.
Do you want to obliterate all traces of your former flame from your cell phone but lack the spine and the ability to do it yourself? There’s an app for that. For 99 cents you can purchase the EraseUrX iPhone app. Then there is iDump4You, a site that does what all people secretly wish they could do when they want to break up with someone: Have someone else do it for you. Avoidr.org allows neurotic Foursquare users to figure out which places their friends haven’t checked into, the idea being that you can avoid an emotional run-in with your ex at the local neighborhood watering hole.
All of these services are well and good, but we’d like to remind folks that will power is, in fact, still an option. If you don’t want someone to be on your radar, take them off of it. Here’s a novel idea: Instead of downloading a plug-in, how about you just don’t go to their page? Sounds crazy, but it works. Those pesky status updates can disappear from your life, too. Simply block the offending person from your news feed. And while the Internet does make it difficult to ignore certain people, it also makes it incredibly easy for you to rid yourself of a problem in one quick step—it’s called the delete button. Oh, and they’ve got one of those buttons in your cell phone as well. Try it sometime.