You’ve probably wondered on many an occasion, “Just how much electricity could my penis handle?” No? The thought never crossed your mind? Well it did cross the minds of Dr. Vincent Tsai and his surgeon homies at the Institute of Biomedical Engineering in Taiwan—which is why this brave posse decided to start testing the effect of electricity on penises by conducting experiments on themselves. Tsai explained why he and his friends have been electrocuting their penises for months in an article in Australia’s Herald Sun newspaper. It all comes down to electrosurgery, a procedure in which highly concentrated electric currents are used to cut skin and tissue. According to the intrepid Tsai, many patients actually opt to have electrosurgery for operations on the penis such as circumcisions and hypospadias. Hypo-what? We actually had to Google that one. It’s a birth defect. On the penis. You can read all about it here, if you’re really that determined to know more.
“We would like to remind our colleagues that we should be careful when doing ES [electrosurgery] on a patient’s penis.” — Dr. Vincent Tsai
Tsai says that although electrosurgery is a safe and effective surgical technique that is already used for penis procedures, few studies have been done on electrosurgery as it pertains specifically to the penis—i.e., no one has a clue as to how much electricity a penis can take before it experiences nerve injury or other damage that no man would ever want inflicted on his schlong. (Just to give you an example, past electrosurgery penis injuries include thrombosis, six days of paralysis, three weeks of disability and something called “nerve longitudinal split of axis cylinder.” Yikes.) So, in the name of penis health for all mankind, Tsai and his buddies have been strapping electrodes to their dicks and holding on for dear life—while taking copious research notes, of course. But Tsai is quick to warn kids and doctors not to try this at home. “We would like to remind our colleagues that we should be careful when doing ES [electrosurgery] on a patient’s penis,” he revealed to the Herald Sun reporter. Really? And here we thought you could stand on a skateboard and knock back a few glasses of Scotch while you slice and dice a penis with high-powered electric currents. You learn something new every day.