When it’s Okay to Be an Animal

BEING AN ANIMAL CAN BE A GOOD THING. Sometimes. It’s all about context, after all, the ability to act on instinct is nothing if not sexy.

That said, the number of occasions when you want to be actually called an animal? There aren’t that many.

As primitive as a super rare steak might make you feel, being described by your lady, or by your mom, as an animal in the process of devouring its prey won’t make you feel like a better man. Necessarily.

So just to keep things straight for you, we’ve outlined the 4 situations that call for you to be an all-out hyena.


This is as good for team sports as it is for solo competitions — being an animal in sport is to lose all pretense and engage in the game as a purely reactive and adaptive player. Your thoughts disappear and the animal part of the brain takes over. Your moves become unpredictable to others, but perfectly executed to evade any barriers that might hinder your going from point A to point B, whether that’s taking a puck from centerline to the goal, or knocking out your opponent. BAM!


Violence, as we know, is bad. Problems solved through violence are not resolved, really, just escalated to incapacitating that which incites such rage in the first place. Unavoidable, however, is that rare moment when an exception must be made, and you find you’ve gotta defend yourself, or someone (a girl) you care (-ish) about. So long as you have not instigated such action yourself, and have done everything you can to stop the situation from devolving, you have our permission to let the inner animal go wild. And if you’re really justified in your actions, chances are it’ll roar.


We’re not talking about some parquet-lined floor of the local hall hosting your cousin’s wedding. We refer to a real dance floor in a real club where the house lights are low and the stage lights strobe. Where inhibitions disappear into the mass of bodies indistinct from one another there’s so many of them writhing.  And there you are in the midst of it, forgetting your insecurities and losing everything else in the music and that body next to yours. Like mammals.


This goes without saying, but it is completely, 100 percent encouraged to be an animal in the sack. Maybe wait until you’ve established a certain level of trust before going hog wild—but once have it, the bedroom is your jungle. The animal will take you where it wants. Let it.