A Woman’s Five Most Awkward Bedfellows


Men place way too much importance on size. You guys constantly brag to each other about how big you are, but what you may not realize is sometimes shape is what matters to women most.

There are a variety of unfortunate shapes that we encounter in the bedroom. The following is a comprehensive guide for women to deal with what we consider your problem area. We won’t tell on you. You know who you are.

1. The Hammerhead


Description: The Hammerhead is very top heavy with an inadequately sized handle. The Hammerhead gives literal meaning to the phrase “nailed her”.

Problem: Women are not designed to snugly encase a Hammerhead. Once that sucker is in there, there’s nothing more to look forward to.

Solution: Women, if you are approached by a man who you discover to be a Hammerhead… Tell him to insert “just the tip.”

2. The Flip Flop

john kerry

Description: The Flip Flop is unreliable. It’s sometimes firm, sometimes not, in a permanent state of indecision.

Problem: The man’s inadequacy can and will cause him to blame the woman for not properly arousing him. He may suggest the woman view clips of other women who are gifted in the art of oral enhancement.

Solution: Suggest to this man that he watch video clips of other men who easily rise to the occasion.

3. The Needlepoint


Description: The Needlepoint is a nuisance. It is the Hammerhead’s opposite. It begins in a promising way, then it ends in eyesquinting disappointment.

Problem: Threading the needle.

Solution: Two words. Open. Relationship.

4. Wrong Turn

wrong turn

Description: The Wrong Turn starts in one direction then curves another way. The Wrong Turn is the inspiration for calling cross-eyed folks “cockeyed.”

Problem: Some women prefer their men to be a little more…straightforward.

Solution: Once you understand the destination of the Wrong Turn, find a position that will meet him there.

5. The Nightstick


Description: The Nightstick is scary. It lives only for abuse.

Problem: The Nightstick gets its name as a result of the woman feeling that she is being punished for some crime she was wrongly convicted of. Having a normal sized business entrance is not a crime! Know your rights.

Solution: See “Hammerhead” Solution.