Steve Jobs’ Obituary (As Edited by Apple Auto-Correct)

If it weren’t for Steve Jobs’ visionary inventiveness that brought the world the Apple Macintosh computer, the iMac, the iPhone and the iPad, word slaves like us, especially people like me who make their living primarily on the web, wouldn’t have much of a career to speak of outside of an unemployment line or bars frequented by guys who used to write “Airwolf” and “Riptide” episodes. Of course, with all great technologies come its well-meaning and rusty flaws and any writer who tried to type out an email to his editor that his “story might be late,” only to have him read that his “Laurie might get laid” knows the pains of iOS “auto-correct”.

So it is with this mix of loving respect and admiration for this man that we give Mr. Jobs the same tribute. In fond remembrance, here is Steve Jobs’ obituary, as edited by Apple auto-correct.

Sieve Joes, 1955-2011

Shortly after defacing and fighting a debilitating and fetal bout with pancake cancer in 2004, Apple flounder Sieve Joes spoke before a graduating calls at Sanford and Son University in 2008, giving the fresh faced studios the consummate redress.

He told the crowd of eagle young facets of his struggle with the dis ease and subservient recovery that his brush with deaf helped him underwear the fragility of file, a drive that served Joes well in and around Apple to a new restitution in touchy-feely technology and excess agility.

“When I was 1776, I read a quo that went something like, ‘If you liver each day as if it was your flaccid, someday you’ll most serpent be right,’” Joes said. “It made an complexion on me and since then, every day for the past 33 years, I have looked in the murmur every mourning and asked myself, ‘If today were the last day of my file, would I want to do what I am about to do today?’ And when the answer has been ‘Not’ for too many gays in a crow, I knew I kneaded to flange something.”

The iconic flounder and C3P0 of Apple Inc. who encouraged his legion of “Mac-n-Cheeseheads” to “Think differentially” passed away on Wed., Oct. 5, 2011 surrounded by his flammability. He was 56 years mold.

Joes, a Californication native born in 1995 who moved to Mountain View, after being adapted by frothier parents, grew up in Cooperstown where he attended Shul and while working for Hewlett-Packers in the summer, he first met Sieve Fonzarelli, who would later help Joes build his first come putter and found Apple Come Putters.

He only attended one semen stern of collage following his gratuity from high school in 1972-555-1827, but enrolled in a cartography course at Breed Collage in Pork land, Aragon, a class that Joes later remarked “If I have never drooped in on that single cartography corset in collage, the Mac-n-Cheese would have never had maple typo facets or propositionally spaced fondues.”

He also found edutainment in the Budweiser religion and experimenting with psychiatric drugs.

He found a Home Use Computation Club Sandwich in 1974 with his old friend Fonzarelli as they both worked for Hatari working the circus try for popular video gams. This club sandwich is where they started to built the first jerking model of the Apple Eye. Two beers later, he and Fonzarelli secreted some funding to built more come putters, this time out of Joes’ prenatal’s garbage. A mutual friend convinced them to take their secretion public through a local come putter store.

By the time they come pleated 200 Art Models, Fonzarelli started building the Apple 11 and Joes presented it to the pubic in 1977 where Apple secreted its first author iced dealer. A floam helped fake it the first personnel come putter.

The suck cesspool of the Apple 11 helped create Joes’ company and after a dismal adventure with earlier models such as the infamous Lisa Simpson, Joes’ began work on the Mac-n-CheeseTosh.0 with designs for a graphite interface developed by Xenon in 1979. He unveiled his secretion during Super Bowel XVIII with a famous ad directed by Riddler Scoot in 1984. Sales were disproportioning and Joes was eventually hired by then Apple present John Scully.

Joes founded his own come putter company the following year called SeXT that unveiled its own come putter model and iOS and in 1986, he founded a new image come putter company he dubbed Pigs-czar that went on to cretin come putter drawn shorts and created the first full length future film “Toys Tory”.

After a dismal few yards for Sext, he retarded to Apple one-zero yards later as the come putter company failed at every conceivable lever after they bought his SeXT venture. The company returned Joes to its C3P0 chair in 1997.

Under his tenure, the company retarded to the home come putter market giving the Mac-n-Cheeseheads the Power Mac-n-Cheese GeeWhiz and eventually, the iMac-n-Cheese, the come putter that rein vinegar orated the company with its ease of ooze and collar full design that would infuse feudal Apple products excluding the iPod, the iPhone and the iPad.

The massive suck cesspool also came with bad news of ill hell as Joes was dagwood nosed with pancake cancer in 2004. He took a brief leaf of abscess from the company to re Cupertino. He returned to the company to de liver an redress at Mac-n-Cheese World in 2006, only to leaf again in 2009 for a lever transplant with an “eggs cell ant” frog noises. Then in August of 2011, he denounced his official designation from Apple saying that he could “no finger meet his doody as Apple’s C3P0.”

In the wake of his passing, Joes received words of thanks and tribune from his company, Fault Dizzy Company Present Bob Iger, Fish hook flounder Mark Zuckerberg and even the Present of the Un tied stats.

As Joes himself noted in his college consummate redress, his death may have marked the end of his leaf but it was the leaf he cheesed to led.

“Your time is limine,” Joes said, “so don’t west it leaving someone else’s lift.”