Workout videos are a double-edged sword. While they do sometimes work incredibly well, they’re also the most feminine means of exercising on the planet (with all due respect to P90X, that shit is bonkers). You can film your workout video in an all black room with a harem of smoking hot women working out in leather yoga pants while Slayer blares in the background all you want, but once the exercising begins, chances are it’s going to be some Billy Blanks jazzercise bullshit that would get most guys laughed out of any gym.
And that’s why we love this video so much. Like a punk band making the noise of ten men with just a guitar, bass and drums; the video we’re going to show you uses just the bare necessities to get you ripped (probably). There are no bells and whistles, just a man and his tool. And it is glorious.
Here are five things we love about the manliest workout video ever…
Not sure if you spotted it or not, but the gentleman in the image above is holding a fucking sledgehammer. Understand this, we didn’t throw that swear word into the last sentence because cursing is edgy and fun, we did it because anything you do with a sledgehammer is absolutely worthy of a lofty adjective like “fucking.” What could you possibly be doing with a sledgehammer that’s anything short of awesome?
So what do you normally take to the gym? An mp3 player? A water bottle? Steroids? No matter what your reply may be, we’re 100% certain that the answer is not “a fucking sledgehammer, bro.” And that’s why whatever workout you’re doing right now is for girls. Also, don’t call us “bro.”
The Workout Gear
These are busy times we live in. Between work, kids, activities and tending to whatever horseshit Zynga game you prefer, it seems like there aren’t enough hours in the day to get a workout handled. Who has time to change clothes, get sweaty as all hell, take a shower, get dressed and get back to work all in time to eat lunch and have a drink or six? Not you, and that’s why the sledgehammer workout is for you.
Check out what our instructor is wearing. That’s a lime green polo, baby. You know where you can wear that? Everywhere. It’s versatile enough to pair with some crisp khakis at work, and then plays just as nice with a pair of black jogging pants with blue stripes down the leg for those times when the urge to flaunt your sledgehammer skills in public becomes to overwhelming to resist. Why you wouldn’t just wear THAT to work and leave the khakis in the closet until your next Jack Johnson concert rolls around is beyond us, but that’s getting off track.
The point here is that the sledgehammer workout is something you can do in your work clothes, and everyone knows there is no person who commands positive attention at a gym like the person working out in business casual wear.
As incredible as it is that dude is working out with nothing but a sledgehammer, it’s even more impressive that he’s doing it at what appears to be a public park. If this was going down at a gym or a sound stage, it wouldn’t even be worth more than a passing mention. Maybe the broad daylight setting still doesn’t make it worth more than a passing mention, but what the hell else do you have to do right now besides read this? Work? Perish the thought.
Anyway, if this is happening at a gym, it’s only going to attract the attention of fellow health enthusiasts and that’s boring. Unless they’re chicks. But a grown man swinging a sledgehammer around at no discernible target at a public park is going to attract all sorts of eyes, like those of parents hoping they wouldn’t have to protect their offspring from a sledge hammer wielding lunatic when they left the house that day. And that, ladies and gentleman, is the kind of attention that leads to action.
The Special Effects
As you’ll see if you decide to watch the video, there are 23 different exercises involved with the sledgehammer workout. How do you know which ones really give you the most bang for your buck? No damn clue. But from time to time, one of the exercises gets the instant replay with a sepia toned old timey feel to it. That has to mean something, right? Probably not. But it’s still funny to watch.
And this is the heart of what makes this workout so great. The exercises range anywhere from the mundane (chopping wood) to potentially life changing (The Hammer Torture). We could go on at length about how much fun it is to watch a dude draped in a combination business casual workout ensemble perform “The Destroyer” and several of the other bizarre moves in this workout. But why do that when we could just show you a few?
Is there even a difference between the “Driving Fence Post” and “The Fireman”? Are firemen only left handed and people who drive fence posts only right handed? The questions never cease.
And Now, The Video
Who’s ready to get swole? You are! Check out all 23 exercises and the full video below.