Six Womanly Activities Every Man Should Try

There are lots of “girlie” things in the world that most guys couldn’t give a shit about (e.g. decorative pillows, lip gloss or anything on The Oxygen channel). There are, however, a hairy handful of other “girly” things that even the manliest man can appreciate. Sure, you’ll be ridiculed mercilessly by your buddies, or deny that such an event ever took place, but I assure you that following Chick-tivities (or ac-tit-ivies) will one day be as socially acceptable for a man as drunk driving was in the 50’s.

Pedicures

Although, this female dominated activity has single foot-edly pumped more money into the pockets of Asians than the Chinese lottery, it should be an activity for guys. After all, we’ve been paying Asian women to rub our bodies for a [love you] long time. Only now, you won’t need to be on high alert for the boner-breaking undercover cops. A Pedicure is a combination bath, massage and rubdown for your feet. Just think of it as a rub ‘n tug, but the girl has really bad eyes (no Asian pun intended). It’s no wonder chicks are doing these all the time. They feel great; and instead of this little piggy going to the market, it’s going for a dip back in the footcuzzi. Ahhhhh.

Pee Sitting Down

One of the best things about being a man is that we pretty much get to pee anywhere we want. In fact, I’m peeing as I write this. 99% of the time we can and should go #1 while standing on our own two feet. However, for those times when you are feeling extra lazy, or are just too drunk and/or hungover to aim and stand at the same time…take a seat. Ladies have it far better than they let on, so don’t feel too bad the next time you get accused of having it made.

Cooking

I’m not saying that you need to turn your kitchen into a Food Network Holiday special, but it’s OK to cook a few things that don’t need to be made on your Foreman Grill. Women love guys who can cook, and we love being cooked for…but not as much as we love having sex. So learn how to make one (complicated sounding) dish really well. I learned how to make a Chicken Parm (a la truffulo) that has done more for my penis than it has for my stomach (and no, I’m not sticking my dick in the pan).

Baths

No self respecting guy has ever said after a game of (insert your sport here), “I’m gonna head home and hit the tub.” Even if that is what you plan on doing, you’ll say “shower” or “garden hose” or “car wash.” Even though it seems women have a monopoly on bath time, bathing has been embraced by great men throughout history. It’s where Eddie Murphy from Coming to America got his royal penis cleaned and where Tony Montana could relax after a long day of moving kilos of Coke. So man up and take a soak. You deserve it.

Play with Dolls

Enough Said…

Stay at Home Parent

You mean to say that I can stay home all day watching cartoons and eating Cheerios, while you bust your ass at the office? Deal. Being the parent at home is no easy gig, however, a bad day at home beats a bad day at the office any day of the week. No dress code, unlimited smoke breaks and no need to make small talk with your smelly office mates. Remember how much fun a “snow day” was? That’s like being a stay at home parent, except this time you can have all the (Irish) hot chocolate you want.

Just because you’re a man doesn’t mean you cant enjoy some of the finer things in life. So go ahead and have a glass of Pinot instead of a beer once in a while, let some stranger give your feet a happy ending and take a load off while you unload.

Secondhand Smoke is a weekly column by Playboy Radio Morning Show host Kevin M. Klein. Follow Kevin on Twitter@TheKevinKlein.