Women are fascinating. First, you think you understand them. They like to shop, they’re interested in discussing their feelings, and they are way better to look at naked than men. Then they go and do something that totally blows you away. Like apply lipstick with their boobs, or do the splits on the ceiling, or swallow a three-foot balloon. That’s when you realize woman are a miracle, you will never understand them, and thank God for that.

Here are eight amazing women showing off their best sexy tricks.

I’m a Barbie Girl

Meet Trish. She’s 23, and she refers to herself as Grindhouse Barbie. We have no idea that means. Her other nicknames include Ms. Limelight and Popstar Trishii. She describes herself thusly: “I’m a mix between Woody Allen and your local hooker!” Alright then, Trish. Unsurprisingly, she lives in Hollywood.

In this video, Trish shows how to apply lipstick if you have no hands.

Spider-Man Stripper

Strippers are impressive. Wearing little more than a thong, they can climb tall poles in a matter of seconds, do the splits in seven-inch heels, and extract all your money from your wallet. Sure, some strippers are better than others. A few can do that trick where they fall into splits from some lofty position on the pole. But can your local stripper do splits on the ceiling?

This Florida-based stripper is the love child of Spider-Man and Gypsy Rose Lee.

Knot That Cherry

You know you’re in for a wild night when a girl offers to show you how she can tie a cherry stem with her tongue. After all, what is she really trying to tell you there? It’s not that she has a way with fruit. Megan, for example, is one of those girls who can do mysterious things with her tongue. Watch her tie a cherry stem in her mouth. It takes her a few tries, but the girl’s got it.

The Ultimate Pool Shark

You have to watch out for female pool hustlers. They’re always doing things to distract you from making the perfect shot. Bending over to expose their cleavage. That sort of thing. What are you going to do, call them out on it? No, you are not.

Alena the contortionist knows that in the right position, she can pocket all your balls.

Dance of the Bewbs

There are many benefits to breast implants. They fill out shirts, come in handy as floatation devices, and impress men of all ages. A few women are able to do circus tricks with their breasts. When implanted properly, the right pair of fake breasts can dance along to nightclub music.

Can they polka?

The Balloon Swallower

One time, a sorority girl got drunk and showed you how she could deep throat a banana at your frat’s kegger. Well, that was very cute compared to what Tonya Kay can do. She has no patience for bananas, hot dogs, or otherwise. When it comes to deep throating, Kay is a professional. How does she do it? We have no idea.

Behold the balloon you wish you were.

Lizard Lady Licks

Thanks to the internet, we can all watch what happened after Katy decided to get her tongue split. “Her tongue split?” you ask. Yes, that’s right. For reasons that escape us, some explorers in the world of body modification are having their tongues cut in two. It can make talking awkward, but, oh, the things you can do with your newly-forked tongue.

Unsurprisingly, Katy lists her favorite movie as “Freaks.”

Condom Bomb Explosion

Take one large bottle of Diet Coke, a role of Mentos, and one unused condom. Put the Mentos in the condom, attach the condom to the Diet Coke bottle, and in theory you have a condom rocket. In this case, someone had a blonde moment, and this condom bombed.

We hate it when that happens.