Life is hard. It seems like every new day brings a new question that, try as you might, you’re just unable to find an answer for. The Smoking Jacket understands this, and we’re here to help.
Each week, media sensation Tracy Pendergast and TSJ’s managing editor, Adam Tod Brown, set aside some time in their busy schedules to answer your questions in a feature we’ve cleverly named “Ask TSJ.”
This week’s question comes from Paul, a reader in NYC…
Will you please settle a debate between my friends and I – is sexting EVER appropriate and if so, when?
Tracy Pendergast: Paul, you have raised a very interesting question. Although sexting can be hot and steamy at the time, we have all learned from Brett Favre that it can blow up in your face!
I would say my number one rule is don’t sext anyone you haven’t actually had sex with, and definitely not anybody you haven’t even met. If you meet someone for the first time after sexting and there’s no connection, you’re going to deal with some major awkwardness.
Here’s a little hint for the dudes. Women’s sexuality is mostly mental, so if you’re getting steamy via text there is no need to send any images! Stick to words and describe things you’d like to do with her or remind her of an experience you had together that was really amazing. That way, she’s still turned on, and you haven’t put a picture of your wang in the palm of her hand. Men on the other hand are more visually stimulated, that’s why they’re always beating it to porn. But don’t let that confuse you! It is highly unlikely a picture is going to do anything for her.
Now, here’s the thing about texting and the internet — it gives us HUGE balls right? We are capable of saying things we would never be able to say in person. (“I’m sooo gonna put it in your butt.”) Well guess what, if you wouldn’t say them in person, you probably shouldn’t send them via text. It’s okay to send some super steamy messages, but don’t be a complete perv.
If you do know the person you’re thinking about sexting, and have a feeling it might be welcomed, just take baby steps and make sure the receiver is into it. Don’t use your best material straight out of the gate, then you won’t run the risk of being humiliated when she’s totally not into it.
Onward my sexting virtuosos!!
Adam Tod Brown: It all depends. Are we talking pictures here or just pervy come-ons and such? I’m all for regular old sexting, you know, with just words and stuff. It all depends on the woman you’re sending the messages to. You certainly don’t want your very first text to a woman you just met to be a graphic one-liner about bathroom sex. That’s bad form. You need to ease into those kind of conversations, unless you’re wealthy or you’re 100% sure the woman in question is a total slut, in which case all rules fly right out the window.
But sure, if it’s a woman you’re comfortable with and have been communicating with for awhile, what the hell, go for it. Send all the suggestive text messages you want. What’s the worst that could happen? If she gets offended or something, tell her your friend took your phone without your knowledge and that it wasn’t really you sending the texts. She won’t believe it, but she can’t prove otherwise, so it should all blow over. And that’s worst case scenario. Best case scenario, she’ll blow you. There’s really no bad outcome, unless you get the herps or something.
Now, texting pictures of your cock is a whole other story. Personally, I would avoid it. If you absolutely must do it, at least don’t include your face in the picture. Has that ever ended well for anybody ever? No, it hasn’t. Inevitably, those pictures will end up passed around to friends and posted on the internet and, just like that, you’re humiliated. Unless you have a gigantic horse penis like Chris Brown, of course. In that case, I’d send it to everyone you know. I’d lead with it, even. But otherwise, keep the cock shots to yourself.
Tracy Pendergast is a writer, model, singer, television personality and former Navy Seal. We might be lying about one of those facts. Check out her official website or follow her on Facebook to find out which one.
Got a question for Adam and Tracy? Click here and fire away. If we use it…your life will immediately improve for the better.