The Smoking Jacket’s 69 Sexist Celebrities

sexist main 2

23. Dov Charney

dov charney

We know, this guy certainly doesn’t look like a creepy sexual weirdo, but you’re just going to have to take our word for it. The maniac you’re looking at is Dov Charney. He’s the founder of American Apparel, a company you might know for having some of the sexiest advertising in the history of forever.

aa

Unfortunately, he’s also known to parade around the American Apparel offices in nothing but pink underwear, all while regularly referring to female staffers as “sluts.” He also allegedly once held a one on one meeting with a female staffer while wearing nothing but a “cock sock,” which is exactly what it sounds like. Here’s hoping that American Apparel ad we included here is enough to keep that unfortunate image from being permanently burned into your brain.

22. Di Tzeitung

der tzitung

Di who? Di “Hasidic newspaper that Photoshopped any evidence of women, including Secretary of State Clinton, out of the now famous bin Laden situation room photo.” That’s who.

21. Arnold Schwarzenegger

arnold

We’re not normally the type of site that kicks a person when they’re down, but, well, we’re about to do just that.

The Governator has been all over the news for, you know, having a kid with his housekeeper. To make matters worse, she delivered her baby the same damn week that Maria Shriver delivered another of Arnold’s offspring. But Arnold’s awful doesn’t begin or end there. Check out this good stuff from an article in Premiere Magazine:

One journalist alleges that he saw Arnie and his Total Recall co-star Rachel Ticotin “making out” at a nightclub. A producer of Terminator 2: Judgment Day reports seeing Schwarzenegger come out of his trailer and, spotting a female crew member, “put his hands inside her blouse”. Another ‘observer’ says, “Schwarzenegger laughed, ‘I went after the woman. She was hysterical but refused to press charges for fear of losing her job.’ It was disgusting.” According to another ‘witness’, Arnie and his wife were playing tennis when “Maria started throwing up. She couldn’t play, and Arnold started berating her and then stomped off the court. At noon that day, the smiling couple announced that Maria was pregnant.”

Classy, Arnold. Real classy.

20. Mike Tyson

mike tyson

Hey, how did Mike Tyson get on this list? We certainly didn’t put him here? Beat Robin Givens? Unsubstantiated rumor, that’s what that is. Innocent until proven guilty, that’s what we say.

What’s that? He was convicted of rape? Well, we don’t watch the news much so, you know, whatever.

Let’s just move on. Please don’t punch us, champ.

19. Bill O’Reilly

bill oreilly

Do we need to explain this one? Because we don’t have all damn day here. He claims women “need” male breadwinners, he said Helen Thomas sounds like “the Wicked Witch of the East” and, if you need more evidence, he once claimed that “he can’t help but be sexist.” So he said it, not us.

18. John McEnroe

john mcenroe

Women can do everything a man can do! Except play a bunch of tennis matches in one year!

That pretty much summarizes John McEnroe’s take on the workload that women on the professional tennis circuit face, where Mac claims they’re being forced to compete in more matches “than they’re capable of.”

Oh, and he also once stated that female analysts shouldn’t be allowed to work male tennis matches. Because, you know, if they’re busy calling the match, who’s gonna bring the dudes watching it beer and stuff?

Just joking, dudes don’t watch tennis.

17. Burt Reynolds

burt reynolds

We’re going to be honest here. Aside from the fact that he once said that “Marriage is the most expensive way for the average man to get laundry done,” we don’t have much to justify including Burt Reynolds so high on this list. But look at that fucking picture! We can’t just bury it in the middle somewhere, can we? It’s glorious!

16. Warren Beatty

warren beatty

When you reach a certain level of success, it’s important to give a little back, if for no other reason than to make sure you never forget the meager means from which you came. Warren Beatty demonstrated this in 1979 when he famously said “charity is taking an ugly girl to lunch.”

Suck it, homeless people!

15. Charlie Sheen

charlie sheen

Charlie Sheen is the Internet’s current favorite train wreck after, you know, saying “Winning!” and stuff. But all of this tiger blood celebrating seems to ignore the repeated claims that Charlie Sheen is an abusive maniac who has allegedly pulled knives on his former wives and threatened to have them killed.

Even if none of it is true, his current shenanigans aren’t enough to change one indisputable fact: Two and a Half Men is a fucking awful show.

14. Bob Barker

bob barker

Sure, we could go into detail about the sexual harassment suits that put a bit of a black eye on Bob Barker’s skinny-microphoned reign as host of The Price Is Right, but why bother with words when you can just watch this instead?

Did you watch it? That’s a good little girl. Now reach in our pocket, we have something for you.

13. Bobby Riggs

bobby riggs

Bobby Riggs, at the age of 55, decided to get himself back in the tennis spotlight by proclaiming to anyone who would listen that the women’s tennis game was soft and that he could defeat any woman who challenged him. And he did defeat the first woman who challenged him, Margaret Court. The publicity he gained landed him on the cover of Sports Illustrated and, were he smart, he could have stopped there, forever cementing his manly dominance.

Instead, he challenged another woman, Billie Jean King. Having seen the first match, she took him up on the offer and soundly stomped him in straight sets.

There’s a famous internet myth making the rounds these days that claims the match between King and Riggs was played under modified rules that favored King. Sounds great, but it’s not true. Those amended rules did apply to a match between Jimmy Connors and Martina Navratilova two decades later, but as for Bobby Riggs, he got beat fair and square. By a girl.

12. Norman Mailer

norman mailer

Acclaimed writer Norman Mailer certainly knew how to push people’s buttons. During a speech at the University of California at Berkeley, he famously announced that “A little bit of rape is good for a man’s soul.”

We have no jokes to go along with that, because it’s not funny. You know what else isn’t funny? The fact that later in the same speech, he invited “all the feminists in the audience to please hiss.” Several of them did, at which point he replied “obedient little bitches.”

Okay, maybe that last one is kind of funny.

11. Burlington Industries

burlington

Well this is an odd entry. Why is Burlington Industries on a list of celebrity sexists? Because they’re trend setters in their field, that’s why. When Kimberly Ellerth landed a job in the company’s Chicago office, things quickly turned ugly when her boss began repeatedly making unwanted sexual advances towards her. She never filed a complaint with the company, and she never lost a promotion or raise as a result of refusing his advances, but she did eventually quit due to the ordeal.

And then, she filed a lawsuit. Burlington lawyers argued that her case had no merit because she never filed any complaints. The Supreme Court eventually disagreed. It was a dark day in legal history for scumbags far and wide.

10. Pat Robertson

pat robertson

Bible thumpers just love to quote Pat Robertson on all things moral. Here’s a quote they tend to conveniently ignore:

“Feminism encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians.”

Lesbians? We’re listening!

9. Keith Hernandez

keith hernandez

First off, can we acknowledge that the above photo is quite possibly the greatest baseball image of all-time? Great, now that we agree on that, let’s get to the other stuff. Check out this play by play exchange from a 2006 Mets vs. Padres game, featuring Keith Hernandez in the broadcast booth:

Keith Hernandez: “Who’s the girl in the dugout with the long hair? What’s going on here? You gotta’ be kidding me.”

Gary Cohen: “She’s excited. Got a fist bump and everything.”

Keith Hernandez: “We’ll get back to her. I’m not through with her.”

A few minutes later…

Keith Hernandez: “I thought she was Morganna (referring to the woman who for more than two decades became baseball’s unofficial mascot by jumping onto fields and kissing unsuspecting players) for a minute, but she wasn’t a blonde. I won’t say women belong in the kitchen, but they don’t belong in the dugout.”

Gary Cohen: “There’s only trouble brewing if you say that, you know.”

Keith Hernandez: “You know I am only teasing. I love you gals out there. I always have. Only in California. I just can’t believe it. You think you’ve seen everything and, you know, there’s always something new.”

After what had to be a landslide of phone calls from angry viewers…

Keith Hernandez: “I know I made some strong statements that she didn’t belong in the dugout. I stand by those statements. I think it’s a man’s game.”

8. Glenn Beck

glenn beck2

Meghan McCain recently filmed a PSA about the dangers of skin cancer. Both of her parents have had skin cancer, you see, so it’s kind of a big deal to her. In the ad, she appears to be nude (she’s actually wearing a strapless dress) and speaks on the importance of wearing sunscreen. It’s a noble cause, and in typical fashion, Glenn Beck handled it in the least noble way imaginable.

Oh Glenn, must you make it so easy for people to hate you?

7. Rush Limbaugh

rush limbaugh

Nothing segues into some vintage Rush Limbaugh lunacy like a clip of Glenn Beck. Rush is an old hand when it comes to the sexism game. Way back in 1991 he was dropping quotes like this gem:

“Feminism was established to allow unattractive women access to mainstream society.”

Damn. Just…damn.

6. Ben Roethlisberger

ben roethlisberger

Chris Rock has a famous bit about how his main job as a father is to keep his daughter off the stripper pole. It’s an excellent point, but fathers everywhere should at least spend a little time also making sure their daughters steer clear of goddamn Ben Roethlisberger. This guy attracts sexual assault lawsuits like Obama attracts conspiracy theorists.

Granted, he’s never been convicted of any wrongdoing, so all of his transgressions amount to mere allegations. But when your sexual assault allegations equal your number of Super Bowl rings, there’s a pretty big problem at hand.

5. Sean Connery

sean connery

Oh how the ladies swoon over Sean Connery. It could be the voice, it could be the striking eyes, or maybe, they’re just punch drunk. In light of this famous quote, it’s a possibility that must be considered:

“I don’t think there is anything wrong with hitting a woman. I don’t, though, recommend hitting a woman in the way you hit a man.”

Hey, we know someone who probably should have taken this quote to heart!

4. Chris Brown

chris brown

Wear all the bow ties you want, Chris Breezy, the world will always remember you as the dude who punched Rihanna in the face. And then they’ll remember that you went on Good Morning America and freaked the hell out when someone had the gall to ask you about said punching. And then, they’ll remember that during the ensuing tirade, you smashed a window. And finally, they’ll remember that window was named Leann and it had three smaller windows to support when you savagely took its life in a blind rage. You’re a monster, Chris Brown.

But hey, at least you’re not…

3. Ike Turner

ike turner

Ike Turner beat so much Tina Turner ass, his name might as well be a verb. As in, “woman, if you don’t shut your mouth, I will Ike Turner the shit out of you!” Rest assured, there isn’t a woman alive who wouldn’t know exactly what that means.

2. Barbie

barbie

People love to accuse Hollywood and the media of instilling unrealistic ideals of beauty in impressionable young girls’ heads, but someone else is getting to the girls of the world way before most anyone else even has a chance. That someone, is Barbie. She’s got the perfect life, she’s got the perfect car, she’s got the perfect boyfriend and she’s got an insane figure. How insane? Well, if scaled to life size, the average Barbie would be 5’9″ with approximate measurements of 36/18/33. It’s estimated that Barbie’s BMI would be somewhere in the 16.24 range, which more than qualifies as anorexic.

But Mattel has taken their foot off of the “vomit after you eat” accelerator somewhat. Back in the 1960s, some Barbie dolls were released that included books called How to Lose Weight. One of the instructions: “Don’t eat!” They’ve at least stopped doing that.

So what came first, the waif-like supermodel you blame for poisoning the mind of young girls, or the Barbie she grew up to try and look like?

1. God

god

Ever hear a religious zealot spout some insanely sexist nonsense about “a woman’s place” and wonder how they could think so primitively? Simple, they’re just being good Christians. Don’t let us tell you though. It’s right in the Bible:

1 Corinthians 11:7 – 9

7 For a man indeed ought not to cover [his] head, forasmuch as he is the image and glory of God: but the woman is the glory of the man.
8 For the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man.
9 Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.

1 Corinthians 14:34 – 35

34 Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but [they are commanded] to be under obedience, as also saith the law.
35 And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church.

Ephesians 5:22 – 25

22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so [let] the wives [be] to their own husbands in every thing.

1 Timothy 2:9 – 15

9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;
11 Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection.
12 But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.

Amen?

468X60AD