Let’s just get the Health Department stuff out of the way immediately. **If you suffer from epilepsy (or even if you kind of enjoy it) we sincerely discourage you from watching the videos posted below.** There, our social responsibility is taken care of.
With that out of the way, we certainly don’t want to scare off any of our loyal fans just because they get the Jimmy Legs (and arms, torso, head, face, brain, etc.) every time a strobe light goes off somewhere within a 50-foot radius. We’re just saying, if your medication schedule hasn’t been as tight as it should be in recent days, maybe sit this one out and check out some pictures of sexy women or something. Otherwise, proceed with caution.
Here are six bizarre and potentially seizure inducing videos…
Kanye West – Can’t Tell Me Nothing
If you keep up with your news (or at least your Internet news) then you were likely expecting to see Kanye West on this list. Probably not for this video though. Does it really fit the “bizarre” bill? Not really, unless you consider the fact that it was kind of a shitty choice for a first single from an album that featured way better songs, like “Flashing Lights,” for example, which ironically does not make this list. Go figure.
Nevertheless, “Can’t Tell Me Nothing,” the first single from 2007′s Graduation album, does show some flashes (ha!) of what would come later in a video that was much more notorious among the epileptic community. Just hang around until the chorus and you’ll see it. Also, enjoy it. With the exception of the other Kanye West video on this list, “Can’t Tell Me Nothing” is the last stop we’ll be making in Commercial Town as far as the music goes.
Kanye West – All of the Lights
Given all the news coverage about this video, you probably didn’t expect to see “All of the Lights” so high up the list. Save the best for last, right?
Well here’s the thing, just because every news outlet in the land covered the controversy about how agitating this video may be toward people who are prone to seizures doesn’t mean it’s the most potentially seizure causing video ever. Don’t get us wrong, It’s certainly got all of the elements that our cursory knowledge of epilepsy leads us to believe could send a person into convulsions, but as you’ll soon see, it gets much worse than this. But as usual, Kanye West gets all the press.
Don Garnelli – You’ll Always Be My Champion
**For the love of God, read this before watching the video. All of you, not just the jittery types.**
This video makes the list on the strength of one thing… the Youtube description. The video is described as a ”Lo-fi vegan noisegrind seizure inducing music video.”
A few questions:
- What makes a video “vegan?”
- Is this designed specifically to give people seizures? Because that sure seems to be the implication here. If so…
- Is epilepsy secretly awesome?
- How bad does your epilepsy have to be before a 30-second video can trigger it?
- If this video does send you into a seizure, does it even mean your epilepsy is especially bad, or just that the artist is especially skilled at giving people seizures?
- Can we harness this power to further America’s empire-tastic foreign relations policy?
- Where should I send my sternly worded complaint letter about how insanely LOUD this video gets out of nowhere around the halfway point?
Seriously, if you’re watching these videos with any sort of speaker system on and there are people around, turn that shit way down.
Paris 1919 – Breakup Letter on Psychic Paper
Alright, now we’re talking. Remember awhile back when we wondered “will i-Dosing get you high?” and then proceeded to download a bunch of audio drugs in the name of investigative journalism? Well what’s going on in this video is a lot like what those audio drugs hope to pull off.
The lesson here? Audio drugs probably work really well if you have epilepsy.
Ponytail – Celebrate the Body Electric (It Came From an Angel)
We’re pretty sure this video was released by the fireworks industry as part of a covert campaign to brainwash hipsters into believing that fireworks are cool again. We formulated that opinion based solely on the fact that we found this video on Stereogum.com.
Misute – Fractional
Somewhere, some bored suburban teen saw this video and thought, “man, it would be a blast to drop a bunch of acid and then watch this video a few times.”
That suburban teen would later hurl himself from the roof of his parents’ house, causing several crushed vertebrae and a lifetime of paralysis, and is currently negotiating with the state prosecutor to plea bargain the animal cruelty charge he picked up for stabbing the family dog with a salad fork down to a misdemeanor in exchange for filming a few PSA’s about the dangers of drugs.
Yeah, you read that title right, this is a Legend of Zelda video! Does it technically qualify as a music video? Fans of Nintendocore would probably have you believe it is. That’s close enough for us!
Also, holy shit. Don’t watch this. At least not from an unsafe distance.