Sarah Phillips vs. Amare Stoudemire

MAN CRUSH OF THE WEEK: SARAH PHILLIPS

I debated giving Man Crush to a woman since that wouldn’t really be a Man Crush but just a crush and therefore opening up the door for Kate Upton to win every week, but in all likelihood, Sarah Phillips is not actually a woman. No one knows.

As not a gambling addict/desperately horny guy who reads stuff for people’s headshots, I had no idea who Sarah Phillips was. And it turns out, neither does anyone else, including her now former employer ESPN.

So the story, which is still currently unfolding, was documented brilliantly by John Koblin for Deadspin, but the quick summary is Sarah Phillips was supposedly 22, a college student, and a huge sports gambler, got a job as a columnist for a sports gambling website and used three completely different headshots, got hired by ESPN, scammed people out of a bunch of money, got involved in some weird sort of internet takeover of various Twitter accounts/websites, tried to launch a comedy sports website, had everything come out, get fired, and the story just continues to get crazier as time goes on.

As far as sports scandals go, this is incredible. Most of the stuff we get is pretty mundane stuff of the drugs/steroids/infidelity/drunken anti-Semitic rant variety. But this is so different. Stolen identities, blackmail, attractive college girls, guys with Bond villain names, and a bunch of people who I had no idea existed with tens of thousands of Twitter followers? It’s amazing. I can’t get enough of it. It’s like a soap opera except one that it’s cool for guys to be interested in.

How long until “Take a Gamble: The Sarah Phillips Story” is on Lifetime? Not soon enough.

DOUCHEBAG OF THE WEEK: AMARE STOUDEMIRE 

Amare Stoudemire is known for having knees barely hanging on by a string. Apparently, now he also has a hand the same way.

So the Knicks got destroyed by the Heat, so Amare took out his anger on the real culprit behind the Knicks struggles, the glass casing of a fire extinguisher.

Granted, at this point, the Knicks situation would probably qualify as an emergency. But Amare has now essentially handed the Eastern Conference to the Heat. Derrick Rose is done, and the Bulls looked completely lifeless without him. Dwight Howard is out for the playoffs. The Knicks should have at least put up a fight but now without Amare they really have no chance.

But back to how Amare is the stupidest person alive again. Out of all the things to punch, he picked the one that would shatter, because you know, that’s the point of the glass on a fire extinguisher. He must have been feeling super emo (especially with his glasses) and though it would have been really dramatic to send the glass shattering all over the floor, just like the way his heart was now all shattered. Instead he cut his hand so bad he was reportedly squirting blood and his hand was barely hanging on.

Guys, we’re going to have to probably get used to LeBron James winning an NBA championship. Everything is falling (kinda literally) in place for him. This is one of the worst turn of events ever in sports. And there’s nothing anyone can do to stop it, especially if players start fighting appliances.

So while the fire extinguisher clearly won round one, wait until Jeremy Lin is healthy, then watch out.

Your 2012 New York Knicks everybody!

 

Follow Scott Bolohan on Twitter.

Related on The Smoking Jacket:
Sterling Moore vs. Everybody Else
Tim Tebow vs. NCAA Football 

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