President or Mob Boss? 8 Reasons Why Nixon was the Scariest President Ever

 

8. The White House

Since February 1971, Nixon secretly recorded every conversation that occurred within the White House. The contents of these tapes ended up being the centerpiece for the landmark Supreme Court case United States v. Nixon, which… you guessed it, Nixon ended up losing badly.

Nixon would later describe his decision not to destroy the tapes as one of the biggest regrets of his career. Please note that this is kind of odd when you consider that we later learned he actually did order the tapes to be destroyed, and that  this type of obstruction of justice is precisely what he was nearly impeached for.

MOB BOSS EQUIVALENT: The Lou Costello tapes from The Departed.

“I like how you kept calling Henry ‘Jew Boy’ in the tapes. Very classy, Dick.”

7. The Saturday Night Massacre

Nixon uses executive power to fire the independent special prosecutor Archibald Cox during the height of the Watergate scandal. This prompted a string of resignations in the Justice Department, most likely because of how ostentatiously guilty it made Nixon look.

Also, it was around this time that Nixon’s secretary Rose Mary Woods started “accidentally” erasing his White House tapes.

MOB BOSS EQUIVALENT: What happened to Harvey Dent.

Archibald Cox.

6. The Christmas Bombings

In December 1972, a newly re-elected Nixon made one hell of a last ditch effort to end the war in Vietnam: Operation Linebacker II, also known as the Christmas bombings:

“Some 7.8 million tons of bombs were dropped during the conflict, more than all the belligerents of World War II dropped on each other,” and yes, that includes the atomic bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

The bombings had no affect on the North Vietnamese government, which is interesting since Nixon had considered going nuclear with the country. Nevertheless, not even dropping a goddamn world war during Christmas was enough to change the outcome of the war.

MOB BOSS EQUIVALENT: The opening of Casino.

5. Vice President Spiro Agnew

The dude had suitcases full of money being brought into White House on a regular basis. Seriously. Suitcases.

MOB BOSS EQUIVALENT: George Jung from Blow.

Nixon’s running-mate.

4. The Cambodian Campaign

Although officially neutral during the Vietnam War, the Cambodians did seem to side with the Vietnamese over the Americans, and for good reason. The United States was napalming the shit out of their Vietnamese neighbors.

In 1970, Nixon launched a preemptive invasion of Cambodia, which ended up killing 1,000,000 civilians.

MOB BOSS EQUIVALENT: Appolonia’s accidental blowing-up in The Godfather.

Only, you know, x1 million.

3. CREEP

The Committee for the Re-Election of the President, better known as “CREEP,” was a fundraising organization for Nixon’s 1972 reelection campaign that turned out to be a money laundering and slush fund racket that used $500,000 in donor dollars to finance the Watergate break-in.

MOB BOSS EQUIVALENT: Satriale’s Pork Store from The Sopranos.

A business that could not look any more “legitimate”?

2. The Enemies List

Dick had a multi-issue enemies list of political opponents and social critics that he wanted profiled by the Justice Department, hounded by the IRA, and more or less screwed over so that they were no longer a threat to him.

Yes, it actually said “screw them” in the document.

This was eventually compounded into the Master list of Nixon’s political opponents, which included such gems as Ted Kennedy, Jack Valenti, The New York Times, Bill Cosby, Jane Fonda, Steve McQueen, Joe Namath, Paul Newman, Gregory Peck, and “all of the Black congressmen [and women].”

MOB BOSS EQUIVALENT: Al Capone’s diatribe in The Untouchables.

Like this, only several pages long.

1. The Assassination of Jack Anderson

In 1972, Richard Nixon dispatched the CIA to survey the home and family of syndicated columnist Jack Anderson, a longtime critic of Nixon, so that they could “plant poison in his aspirin bottle.”

According to Poisoning the Press by Mark Feldstein and NPR’s Fresh Air, the plot was eventually called off not on any type of moral or legal ground, but “because Gordon Liddy and Howard Hunt, the two men who were supposed to assassinate Anderson, were instead tapped to break into Watergate.”  That’s right… Nixon axed the assassination because he had a bigger crime for them to pull off.

MOB BOSS EQUIVALENT: The horse head.

Why you don’t fuck with Richard M. Nixon.

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Jacopo della Quercia is now on Twitter. Follow him

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