Power Rankings: 10 Sports Stories You Missed While You Were Drinking Beer at Work

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It was revealed that during games, members of the Red Sox would go into the clubhouse, drink beer, play video games and order fried chicken.

Just when you thought being a baseball player for a living couldn’t get any cooler, this happens.

Granted, they blew the season, but how many times have you turned off a baseball game to play video games with your bros? A million? More?

Kids used to dream about growing up and playing baseball for a living. But let’s face it, that’s too much work. What kids really want to do is maybe work every fifth day and the rest of it drink, eat fast food and play Call of Duty. It’s not secret baseball has been losing popularity but this is a great opportunity to get it back. If I’m Bud Selig, I start a whole campaign based off these guys being just like you. Instead of letting the World Series be determined by the All-Star Game, wouldn’t you rather have it be a combination Halo tournament and beer chugging contest? Huge ratings. They could sell seats at games that give you a view into the clubhouse instead of the actual game.

Baseball is no longer America’s pastime. But a combination of drinking, video games and fast food almost certainly is. This is what baseball needs. This is what America needs.

Here are other stories from this week you might have missed while playing video games drunk at work.

1. Red Sox drinking, eating fast food, playing video games in clubhouse…

This is going to be the number one destination for every (white) free agent.

2. Theo Epstein will be Cubs GM…

He just has to trade himself to the Cubs first. Apparently this is way harder than just ripping yourself off.

3. Raiders turn to John Madden for advice…

Seriously, using the Ask Madden option is never a good idea. Get ready for a ton of HB Smashes, Raiders fans.

4. Lions, Tigers lose…

At least Detroiters have the Pistons not playing to fall back on.

5. Jim Schwartz and Jim Harbaugh fight…

On the best kind of fights power rankings, this would have to be #1 over goalie fights in hockey right?

6. Rangers, Cardinals go to the World Series…

A ratings bonanza! But seriously, this means no one will be watching Joe Buck so it really can’t be that bad.

7. LSU tops in the BCS…

Boise State is ranked fifth so they have to be thrilled since it is as high as the computers will let them go.

8. Sean Payton breaks leg, tears MCL…

This is called pulling a Paterno. He moves to the bottom of the NFL coaches fighting power rankings.

9. McCourts divorce finally settled…

Frank gets to keep the Dodgers, so he can return to running the team into the ground without those pesky divorce proceedings distracting him.

10. Brandon Lloyd traded to the Rams…

The Broncos’s new strategy appears to be to get Tim Tebow to get God to sign with the Broncos to play receiver.

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