Power Rankings: 10 Sports Stories That Make Us Wish We Were Young Again

Maybe I don’t have school pride. And maybe that’s because my alma mater didn’t have a football team (I went to DePaul, they didn’t have a basketball team either. BOOM.) But this weekend many grown men made their return to their college campus where they awkwardly rooted for boys significantly younger than them while pretending not to watch the cheerleaders while sitting with their wife and/or daughter of similar age.

I don’t know. Maybe it’s just me. But I sort of hate college football. First, it’s creepy. You aren’t in college any more and being super into a school seems completely bizarre to me. There are NFL teams, you know, where college players graduate to. But instead college football fans just really super love boys aged 18-22.

I also have a hard time cheering for games that are very, very likely to not be important at all. I mean, how do you win the National Championship? You can’t even tell me an answer. Because no one knows. You can even go undefeated and not be the best team in the country. How can you have a sport where the rules of how the winner is named aren’t even known?

But whatever. Tailgating is great so maybe you just like to get wasted around 18-22 year olds/other people still living in the past.

Damn it. I’m jealous. I wish I had a college football team to root for.

Here are the other stories from the week that make me yearn to be 18-22 again.

1. Peyton Manning injured…

I’m not going to say they’re completely screwed, but in 1996 I bought a Kerry Collins Starting Lineup action figure. Even at the time it was a terrible purchase.

2. Colts hire Jim Tressel as replay review assistant…

Not sure how this really helps them since replays are pretty much the only thing in football you can’t cheat at.

3. Boise State beats Georgia…

This would be higher on the list but the BSC will never let them win a National Championship. But hey, Boise has cool looking turf.

4. Notre Dame loses…

But it’s okay. They can take solace in the fact they won the National Championship of killing the most people last year.

5. Lions, Rams go undefeated…

Great. Now we have to sit through 17 weeks of meaningless games.

6. Arian Foster tweets picture of hamstring…

Apparently the photo he took of their entire playbook didn’t come out.

7.  Cedric Benson goes to jail…

benson

The real crime is the money he stole from the Bears, am I right? Sorry, I’m working on getting a Jay Leno writing job.

8. Ted Williams gets a stamp…

It can only be used to mail frozen goods.

9. Agent shocked Tiki Barber not given shot…

Interesting. Since Tiki Barber’s wife of 11 years was probably equally shocked when he dumped her while she was 8-months pregnant for a 23-yeard old chick.

10. US Open probably still going on…

open

Is it just me or did you really have no idea how long these tournaments took?

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