So here’s some terrifying news! A recent study concluded that men who have performed oral sex on more than six female partners in their lifetime are eight times more likely to develop oral cancer. Science points to the Human Papilloma Virus (HPV) as the most likely culprit.
Between 1974 and 2007, there was a 225% increase in oral cancer cases in the United States and unfortunately for cunnilingus loving ladies, the greatest common factor among those infected was that they had performed oral sex on more partners than those who weren’t stricken with unsightly oral cancer.
In fact, oral cancer resulting from HPV infection is now more common in the US than oral cancer caused by tobacco use, which is still the leading culprit in the rest of the world. So, apparently the United States is either the oral sex or HPV infection capital of the world. Either way, at least we’re leading in something. That’s more than we can say for education and health care, you know?
But rest easy, fellas, getting down with a lady who has HPV isn’t a guaranteed ticket to oral cancer. There are over 150 types of HPV and only 40 of them are capable of being transmitted sexually. You won’t get odds like that in Vegas! And even then, it’s not always going to give you oral cancer. Sometimes it causes penile, vaginal and anal cancer too!
It should be noted that the increase was predominantly limited to white males, though. Look at you, science, confirming long held racial stereotypes and stuff!
We hope you get that joke, because we’re not explaining it if you don’t.