On the Sauce: Get the Girl a Stout

BREAKING NEWS. You probably don’t want to get into a gender discussion, like that’s so what guys do, and girls would never do that with your significant other when you’re couple pints into your drinking.

So the other night my boyfriend and I were at a pub drinking some stouts. And we started talking about the micro-breweries in town that sell coffee stouts. There’s this place near his apartment called Dieux du Ciel! (the name is French for an old-fashioned way of saying OMG. Sorta like ‘my heavens!’) where they have this super-bitter stout that I feel should be called Smokey Vinegar Puke.

COFFEE STOUTS

The beer’s real name is Péché Mortel (mortal sin). I was saying to the BF how I find it gimmicky. And boyfriend was saying how he likes it because he likes to be surprised by strong tastes. I said I like coffee and I like stout but I don’t want to mix them. And then he said don’t I like to mix my tastes? And then I said that’s such a typically guy thing to say, and then it became a really annoying ‘discussion’ about gender stereotypes. That was fun.

PECHE MORTEL

ABV: 9.50%

AMERICAN DOUBLE/IMPERIAL STOUT

GRADE: 3

Thing is, people other than myself generally enjoy coffee-flavored stouts. Stouts are made of dark roasted malts, which already have a bitter flavor to them. Some brewers like to bring that taste out further by adding actual coffee or coffee beans. They’ll name their brew things like: Guatemalan Coffee Stout, Espresso Stout, Breakfast Coffee Stout, to clue you in that’s what they’ve done.

A coffee stout’s ABV typically ranges between 4% and 8%. Many stouts are dry and bitter, which is why some breweries add milk and sugar to create a sweet stout which they might then dub the Coffee & Cream Stout. Other flavors such as mint or chocolate may also be added in various combinations.

See what I mean by gimmicky? Next thing you know they’ll be putting breakfast cereal into your beer.

OATMEAL STOUTS

Oh yeah. Wait. They do put breakfast cereal into your beer. Stet my rant: I think you can never go wrong with an oatmeal stout. Did I mention I’m a huge fan of porridge? So this type of stout is what happens when people stir in a bunch of my fave breakfast during the brewing process. In Canada, McAuslan’s brewery makes a good one you should try should you ever venture north, the St. Ambroise Oatmeal Stout.

ST. AMBROISE OATMEAL STOUT

ABV: 5%

OATMEAL STOUT

GRADE: 8

Don’t just take my word for it: At the World Beer Championship in 1994 (okay, so that’s totally when Tori Amos was still a thing), the St. Ambroise came in second out of over 200 beers in the competition and it won one of only nine platinum medals awarded, and it’s the perfect beer to drink with a round of nachos.

Maybe that’s what I’ll get up to tonight.

What about that classic stout? Everyone’s fave? Check back in tomorrow for an interview with Guinness’ Master Brewer, Fergal Murray. Right in time for the world’s biggest beer celebration. Erin go Bragh.

 

Related on The Smoking Jacket:
On The Sauce: Drunk as a Monk 
Imperial Stouts Beer Review 

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