So this booze, Angel’s Envy, has a lame name. Are the folks who make the booze trying to market hard liquor to princess chicks? Or is this the name of Britney Spears’ latest perfume? I’m not sure what the brand’s game plan is here. It’s not like the bottle’s pink or anything. The label is cool — it’s got these sort of hand-drawn indie wings, not too goth, not too Mary McCarthy dragons sequels. Still, I can’t picture a dude walking into a liquor store and asking someone to help them locate a mickey of Angel’s Envy.
Anyway, like your mama always taught you, it’s what’s on the inside your bottle of booze that counts, and this Angel’s Envy rye whiskey has a mighty delicious taste. It’s warm and velvety and kind of sweet. It’s powerful enough to burn away your strep, it’s like rum if rum had balls (but it’s nothing like rum balls).
Angel’s Envy’s sweet flavor is undoubtedly owed to the time the rye spends hanging out and getting tasty in Caribbean rum casks — this is part of their deal. ”We sourced and sampled more than 100 different rums before unanimously choosing one with extraordinary richness that perfectly marries with our rye whiskey,” says Master Distiller, Lincoln Henderson. That was a very good idea, Mr. Henderson.
But back to the angel name. I don’t think angels would dig the rye — there’s nothing froufy about this drink. Aren’t angels supposed to, like, drink our tears or something? Like would Victoria’s Secret Angels partake of the Angels Envy? I feel like they’d maybe be more into pastel-colored fizzy booze poured into over-sized martini glasses they’re already swimming in?
Touched by an Angel angels? Definitely not. They’re total tea totallers.
Michael Landon, from Highway to Heaven?
Maybe. But you know what angel I’d swig my free sample of Angels Envy with? Peter Falk, from Wings of Desire.
This rye isn’t for any cutie-pie angel. It’s for a grittier angel, preferably one with a glass eye. The kind that gets a chip on his shoulder after he gives up his wings.