So yeah. It’s the end of the world. OMG. What will you do.
Rather than wailing and gnashing your teeth, digging out some underground shelters in your parent’s suburban backyard, TSJ suggests you stay bundled all cozy in your own digs, and, of course, drink. That way either you’re drunk when the world explodes, or you’re ahead on the celebrating when it doesn’t. We cover our bets like that. We do it for a good time. You’ll thank us later, either way.
So pop your fave flick into ye olde VCR (may we suggest 1998′s “Last Night”) and get mixing. These could be the last cocktails of your life. Or the first cocktails of your afterlife. Or the first day of the rest of your life. We’re not Mayan. We can’t tell for sure.
1. Have Yerself a Helping of Mayan Apocalypse
- Absolut Ruby Red
- 1 shot Captain Morgan’s Spiced Rum
Fill a wine glass with one shot of Captain Morgan’s Spiced Rum and fill the rest of the way with Absolut Ruby Red.
Why is this Mayan? We don’t know. But it’s hard. And red. Blood red. Like an Aztek blood offering. And that’s something.
2. Guzzle Some Blackout
- 1/2 oz gin
- 1/2 oz blackberry brandy
- 1/4 oz lime juice
- 1/4 oz sugar syrup
Shake ingredients and strain into a shot glass. Guzzle.
3. Rendez-vous with the Four Horsemen
- 3/4 oz Jose Cuervo Especial gold tequila
- 3/4 oz Jagermeister herbal liqueur
- 3/4 oz Rumple Minze peppermint liqueur
- 3/4 oz Bacardi 151 rum
Pour contents in shaker over ice and shake well. Pour into glass. Rendez-vous this drink with your face. And you feel fine.
4. Drink the Apocalypse
- 1 oz peppermint schnapps
- 3/4 oz Skyy vodka
- 1/2 oz Kahlua coffee liqueur
- 1/2 oz Old Grandad bourbon whiskey
- 1 oz white creme de menthe
- 3/4 oz Southern Comfort peach liqueur
- 2 oz hot chocolate
Combine alcohol in a coffee mug. Fill with hot chocolate. Garnish with whipped cream. There’s so much liquor in here you won’t even feel the Apocalypse when it hits.
5. In Case of Zombies, Take Two Helpings of Zombie Slayer
- 2 oz 5-Hour Energy Extra Strength Berry
- 1 oz pomegranate juice
- 1 oz mango juice
- 1 oz pineapple juice
- 1/2 lemon
- 1/2 lime
In a mixing glass half filled with ice combine juices and energy drink. Squeeze in the juice from the lemon and lime and drop in skins. Shake well. Strain into hurricane glass filled with ice. Rub rim with twisted mint leaf and garnish with mint sprig. I mean this isn’t just any zombie attack. It’s a FESTIVE fucking zombie attack cocktail.