Trailer Park: A Collection of Trailers We Hope You’ve Never Seen Before

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It might shock you to know this, but the weekly “Trailer Park” feature isn’t actually written by a person named “Trailer Park.” That’s just a catchy title we use so anyone can step in and write it if the person who normally writes it is currently serving time in the Cook County Jail for public indecency charges.

We’re not saying that’s the case, we’re just saying the person who normally writes “Trailer Park” is unavailable this week. So someone else is writing it. Someone else who is far too lazy to see if any of these trailers have been featured here before. What we’re getting at is that you may have already seen some of these, or possibly all of them if TSJ isn’t your main source for new movie trailers, which we understand is highly unlikely.

Here goes nothing.

Apollo 18

Hey, you know how we went to the moon a bunch of times back in the late 60′s and then we just stopped going and haven’t really been back since? Budget constraints got most of the blame for that, but this movie puts forward the slightly more incendiary theory that we stopped going because we got completely fucking owned by a bunch of parasitic aliens the last time we went.

This is one of those “found footage” type of things where the studio claims that everything you see is real well beyond the point when the entire world has realized that it is not. Will it be awesome? Maybe, but we’re not getting our hopes up.

Good Neighbors

Terror is gripping the public! To ease their fears of getting brutally raped and murdered in the street, three neighbors decide to hang out together indoors for awhile until the threat has passed. We sure hope one of those neighbors isn’t a crazed murderer! That would be a wacky twist if we’ve ever heard of one!

Bucky Larson: Born To Be A Star

Nick Swardson, the reigning “socially-acceptable-version-of-Dane-Cook” of comedy, stars in this raucous comedy about a kid who finds out his parents are porn stars and decides to head to Hollywood to follow in their footsteps. We can’t wait until it shows up on Netflix or something!

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2

Look, this is the point where “Trailer Park” has a little confession to make. I’ve only seen one Harry Potter movie, which I hated, and I’ve read none of the books. I know this is the EVENT OF THE SUMMER, but I just couldn’t possibly care any less than I already do. The box office receipts will probably single-handedly save our lagging economy and add 5,000 new jobs in the third fiscal quarter, and that’s wonderful. I just don’t care. At all. Sorry.