Mormons Forced to Use Science to Prove their Point

i_can't_i'm_mormon_tshirt You’ve heard us complain countless times about how annoying we find all of these silly scientific studies that seem to require a great deal of time, effort and money simply to prove something that’s blatantly obvious to anyone with a brain. Well, now we’ve discovered something that annoys us even more: Silly scientific studies that seem to require a great deal of time, effort and money simply to prove something that Mormons believe will support their tired, lame-ass moral agenda, i.e., “Sex before marriage is bad, mmm-kaaaaay.”

In an amazing coincidence, the findings of a new study conducted by researchers from Brigham Young University and published in the American Psychological Association’s Journal of Family Psychology reveal that couples who hold off on having sex until after they are married enjoy higher rates of relationship stability, relationship satisfaction, sexual satisfaction and better communication.

Yup. That’s right. The findings of a study conducted by a bunch of Mormons just happen to unequivocally support the Mormon position on sexual relations. Can you believe it? We, too, were stunned at this unexpected correlation. In fact, this was almost as shocking as finding out that Edward Cullen—that sensitive, no-fang-having, “vegetarian,” pussy-excuse-for-a-vampire from Brigham Young alum Stephanie Meyers’ Twilight novels—ALSO believes in waiting to have sex until after marriage.

We suspect that the folks over at BYU might be on to the fact that religion isn’t quite the motivator they would like it to be when it comes to getting horny college students to practice abstinence, and are therefore being forced to turn to science and hunky vampires for support. Well, “A” for effort guys, “A” for effort.

14 comments on “Mormons Forced to Use Science to Prove their Point”

Jason said on January 5, 2011:

I was born in to a Mormon family but no longer practice and this is one of the reasons. Also, their belief system is not conducive to my lifestyle. Finally, I have a brain and I know how to use it.

Fred Tracy said on January 7, 2011:

Hahaha. That's hilarious. I didn't know Stephanie Meyer was mormon. Ewwww.

Chris Hansen said on January 7, 2011:

This pic is sooooo old.

Lindsay said on January 7, 2011:

I also grew up in a Mormon family and left the church when I was 17. I wasn't particularly fond of being called the "ward slut" for going to a date dance before I was 16. Nor did I enjoy being told that I was going to burn in Hell for playing soccer on the Sabbath day. Heck, we couldn't even go see a movie with a group of our friends from church if there was an even number of guys and girls because they were afraid we would "pair off" -_- I know all LDS people aren't like that, some of the nicest people I know are Mormon. But while they gain thousands of new converts a year all over the world, thousands of people are also leaving the Church for reasons like that.

Beau said on January 7, 2011:

If you don't test drive the car you might find out that you don't like the way it drives...

Bam Guy said on January 7, 2011:

Terrible article. You see university doing study's like this all the time. I'm guessing their data didn't align up with your personal beliefs. Clearly its all those Mormons that are ruining this world.

aziz said on January 7, 2011:

bsr comment vas tu bonne anneé moi aziz j'ai a agadir

JDD said on January 7, 2011:

For the record, this study was peer reviewed and was published in an established scientific journal. You're free to ignore the results if you like, but it's not like the study was self published on the internet. Frankly, I'd trust some PhD sociologists over some random blogger whose article has obvious bigoted overtones any day...

camilo said on January 8, 2011:

fuck your beliefs too.

John said on January 8, 2011:

I am not Mormon. I also had LOTS of sex before marriage, but I see the significance of this. There would be a lot less worrying if you are the best he/she ever had because, well, you are.

dad said on January 8, 2011:

I just wish Mormons would stop having sex. period.

meme_generation said on January 8, 2011:

What's more fail? Having sex with someone you know you want to have kids with or having sex with someone you don't care about and possibly having a kid with? Since a lot of men won't step up and be a father to a unexpected child, I'd have to say statistically that having sex with people you don't want to get married to is 80% fail. Boys that don't have their father in their lives tend to grow up gay to get a false sense of a male taking care of them (being gay is not genetic, it's a developed behavior, otherwise we might as well accept pedophiles because they're born that way due to their sexual orientation). Girls without fathers also have sex with a lot of people to fill the void. From my life experience alone, I've witnessed close to 50 failed parent / child relationships due to sex before marriage. Bottom line if your a self centered idiot, you should refrain from sex or make sure that your reproductive system doesn't work anymore. There is proof to my point; watch Jerry Springer (yes it's still on TV).

marisa said on January 8, 2011:

Well... I mean, is it that hard to believe? While the study should clearly not be taken too seriously having been conducted by a biased group, the author also holds an obvious bias against the possibility of this actually being true - which is in fact just as closed minded and short sighted. The intelligent option would be to reserve judgement on the findings until an independent study on the subject has been conducted... not just shoot them down 'cause you don't like what they say.

Greg said on January 18, 2011:

Have to also defend this article. This isn't some blog that the dude runs that publishes it. It wouldn't have been published in this journal if it wasn't peer reviewed (and because of this, determined to be good research). Trying to hard, for either side, does not look good...

Mormons Forced to Use Science to Prove their Point

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