Mormons Forced to Use Science to Prove their Point

i_can't_i'm_mormon_tshirtYou’ve heard us complain countless times about how annoying we find all of these silly scientific studies that seem to require a great deal of time, effort and money simply to prove something that’s blatantly obvious to anyone with a brain. Well, now we’ve discovered something that annoys us even more: Silly scientific studies that seem to require a great deal of time, effort and money simply to prove something that Mormons believe will support their tired, lame-ass moral agenda, i.e., “Sex before marriage is bad, mmm-kaaaaay.”

In an amazing coincidence, the findings of a new study conducted by researchers from Brigham Young University and published in the American Psychological Association’s Journal of Family Psychology reveal that couples who hold off on having sex until after they are married enjoy higher rates of relationship stability, relationship satisfaction, sexual satisfaction and better communication.

Yup. That’s right. The findings of a study conducted by a bunch of Mormons just happen to unequivocally support the Mormon position on sexual relations. Can you believe it? We, too, were stunned at this unexpected correlation. In fact, this was almost as shocking as finding out that Edward Cullen—that sensitive, no-fang-having, “vegetarian,” pussy-excuse-for-a-vampire from Brigham Young alum Stephanie Meyers’ Twilight novels—ALSO believes in waiting to have sex until after marriage.

We suspect that the folks over at BYU might be on to the fact that religion isn’t quite the motivator they would like it to be when it comes to getting horny college students to practice abstinence, and are therefore being forced to turn to science and hunky vampires for support. Well, “A” for effort guys, “A” for effort.

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