The 2011 White Pants Hall of Fame

Usually white pants are only OK on chicks, sailors and/or old men. But, the shooting pain in my liver informs me that we are now past Memorial Day, and officially (unofficially) into summer. For guys, this means ample opportunity to day drink, light fireworks and… wear white pants in public? Yes.

And, before you question my sanity, style, or both, let me remind you that some of the greatest men of all-time rocked the white pants, and some of them weren’t even members of The Village People. Here are your 2011 inductees into the White Pants Hall of Fame.

Jack Tripper

This “Jack of all trades” served in the United States Navy. He was discovered in Janet and Chrissy’s shower on the morning after a party they threw. Need I say more? Since he was living at the YMCA, Janet reasoned with the landlord, Mr. Roper, and he agreed that Jack could stay because Janet told Mr. Roper that Jack was gay. Jack was, however, actually straight, and quite a ladies man to boot. When he was wearing pants, there was at least a 75% chance they would be white…until he slipped on something and ruined them.

Elvis

The King is white pants royalty. He didn’t care if it was June or October (but was usually too fucked up to know the difference). It was always time to wear the white. And the chicks seemed to dig it.

Colonel Sanders

White pants and a bucket of deep fried perfection, The Colonel of finger licking goodness found a way to combine two of my favorite things: deep fried foods and breasts. It’s a good thing he invented that bucket, because eating greasy chicken out of his lap would have turned those white pants into transparent trousers. And no one wants to KFC that.

Michael Jackson

The King of Pop usually looked more like a lawn ornament than a man, but the one thing he liked even better than taking Macaulay Culkin’s pants off, was putting his white pants on (baby tiger sold separately).

Tony Montana

The only thing whiter than the inside of this guy’s nostrils were his well pressed slacks. As stylish as he was business savy, Scarface did for white pants what he did for white drugs.

Smurfs

Probably the only guy on this list to suffer from permanent blue balls, The Smurfs choose white pants as pretty much the only clothing they wore. Sure, they were high on mushrooms all day, but at least they didn’t let Labor Day influence when or what they could wear.

James “Sonny” Crockett

Back to South Beach for our final Hall of Fame inductee, Crockett aka “Black Partner/White Pants.” Sonny Crockett wasn’t afraid to throw on the whites before racing a speedboat, getting in a gun fight or buying more white pants.

Secondhand Smoke is a weekly column by Playboy Radio Morning Show host Kevin M. Klein. Follow Kevin on Twitter@TheKevinKlein.