Couple of days ago I got sent a dick-measuring package direct from The Big D Club.
This is what my dick-measuring package came with: A sticky-ish, overlong measuring tape coded with red Sharpie marks, a travel jar of Lubriderm, some tissues, and a prototype card I felt compelled to flash around to all my coworkers. It said my name was Joe Badass, and that my dick was 7.5 inches long. I was like, “Yeah! Everyone in my office knows I got myself some meat!” And it was great, because our company just had a series of sexual harassment prevention seminars, so it felt like I was coming full-circle with the talking about my make-believe private parts at inopportune moments.
Donald Harraby, founder of The Big D Club, had contacted TSJ and his email went like this:
“I got frustrated with my lack of ability to really separate myself from other men at the bars and amongst friends. I was also frustrated with how many guys talk and talk all day about their junk size and are not willing to back it up. I talked to a few friends, who were also feeling the same pain, and we decided enough is enough. It’s time to give real men a real way to show what they’ve got.”
So I called up the dude who started his ginormous boner business to see what was what.
The Smoking Jacket: You started this Big D Club so that dudes can communicate their junk measurements “discreetly” to the ladies. Do you usually open up convo with a woman by telling her the size of your dick? Was this not working out for you?
Donald Harraby: Some have cared about it, some have not cared about it.
TSJ: Like you bring it up when you’re trying to hook up? That’s what I’m asking.
DH: That’s the thing. I’m not too forward with that information. When it gets to be known, it’s kind of like not really a thing I can use any more. It’s not in my personality to be so forward with that. So there’s a lot of different motivations about why I started. If you don’t want to be too forward about it and you don’t want to reveal it, you can go about it giving that information without seeming too weird or off-putting. It’s kind of fun and non-offensive in a way, you know.
TSJ: Do you think girls are gonna go for that?
DH: It depends. I’ve had some girls who were into it and some people who didn’t care too much. In terms of having it be like a requirement, you know.
TSJ: But I mean do you think that telling a girl you haven’t met before how big your dick is, initially, you think that’s something that will sway a hookup into a definite direction?
DH: Definite direction? There’s nothing definite, you know. You measure that on how you’re feeling in the moment and what your judgement call is. But it’s not a magic bullet. It’s a fun thing that could help seal the deal. We call it a “deal sealer”. If you’re thinking, ‘I need something to get ahead [get it?], give me a little boost!’
TSJ: Is it like a gag?
DH: No, it’s definitely not a joke, we’re definitely very serious about it. That’s why it has the number and the verification. You can’t get accepted unless you we want to make sure it’s something you take seriously. But at the same time it’s also fun. If you get too serious it gets weird. If you get too jokey it kinda seems like a joke. That’s kind of what we’re dabbling with.
TSJ: So people are sending you pics of their dicks to verify their size… What’s it like seeing all these penis pictures all the time?
DH: Oh, I mean, anybody who’s on the Internet as long as the average person is pretty used to it, honestly.
TSJ: Have you seen some surprising dicks?
DH: Yeah, I mean, you’re surprised by what some people are carrying, especially like a really small guy carrying a lot.
TSJ: So is it your experience that tall guys have big dicks?
DH: It’s all over the place. There’s nothing — no shoe size, no hand size, height, weight, nothing that can work to figure it out. You’ve got it or you don’t. Me, personally, I have very small feet, and whenever I mention that someone’s like “Oh, you have small feet, huh,” and I’m like, “Yeah, well shut up!”
TSJ: Are you trying to tell me you have a big dick?
DH: Uh, well, I mean, that’s kind of the motivation for starting The Big D Club, is I had a personal problem with it.
TSJ: You had the problem of having a big penis?
DH: Yeah. I call it a gift and a curse. Like you’ve got it and then it’s something that defines you. And that no one can really know unless you’re really open about it. And then people can accuse you of lying.
TSJ: You mean you tell your friends about it.
DH: I mean topics in conversation drift. Sometimes you bring it up.
TSJ: How did you find out you had a bigger-than-average dick?
DH: Mostly girlfriends. They tell me they have to take time to recover after we, uh–
TSJ: Do it.
TSJ: Do it.
TSJ: I suggested “do it”?
DH: Yeah, and so I’m like “Oh, really? Thank you, that’s a good thing, I guess.”
TSJ: How did you decide to turn this “problem” into a business?
DH: The situation kept piling up in my head, and I felt like there was an underserved group of people.
TSJ: The underserved giant dick people?
DH: Yeah, the people who A) want to flaunt it but B) who don’t want to be super open about it. They want a more dignified way to tell [girls] what they’re all about.
TSJ: So how much does it cost to join?
DH: It’s a 100 bucks. You get a lifetime membership, you get a brass card — it’s really nice. It’s personalized with your name and with your size on it. You get it forever. It’s a good thing to have in your wallet, and it’s 100 percent undeniable. It’s a little shallow, but, you know, we’re all a little shallow.
Got what it takes to join the big boys? Check out the Big D Club: thebigdclub.com.